In the world of BDSM  the concept of Dominance over another is all pervasive.  While I strongly hold to the concept that every human sexual interaction has elements of Dominance and submission, there are many who feel that this Dominance requires some level of subjugation or sacrifice by the submissive to the will of their Dominant.  “My way or the Highway, babe.”  In a healthy relationship nothing could be further from the truth.

This is really difficult to delineate.  Yes, I feel that the Dominant partner decides.  It IS his way.  That is how the relationship is structured.  But if it gets to the point where the Dominant does not want to hear rationally expressed opinion from a consenting partner, no matter what that opinion may be, then that Dominant is loosing out.  He is not allowing himself to see that unique person who is submitting to him.  All he sees before him is a clouded reflection of himself, a dirty mirror.

Unfortunately, I have talked to many avowed Dominants throughout this country who believe strongly that their Dominance allows them to structure the submissive, to force them to accept, “my way or the highway.”  More frighteningly, I have known of Dominants who feel it is their right to limit what their submissives do, who they see, with whom they communicate, and where they may go.  For me this is a red flag that approaches criminal abuse.

What I want is someone who wishes to share everything that they are with me because they see something in me of value.  I want to be blessed with every gift they have, the stronger the input, the more creative, more intelligent, more powerful the better.  Why would I ever want to deny that?

Caviots:  Please understand I am a heterosexual male, and so I talk in terms of being the Male Dominant and female submissives.  But that is me.  Each relationship is structured by the people involved, Male to male,  Female to male, Male to female, and Female to female, and combinations of sex, gender and number not mentioned.

Also, Yes, I may express an opinion that some individual is not healthy for someone under my care.  If my opinions are strong, the question may come to one of continuing a relationship with me or with them.  But if a Dominant feels it is within his right to structure all relationships of his submissive(s) known and unknown, I think that should be highly questioned.

Finally, I believe that each and every person, whether Dominant or submissive or something in between, has a right to choose and accept the relationship that is most fulfilling to them, no matter what that may be.

The Eroticist