I have been reading, through most of this week, many writings, painful to read, from Jack Rinella, Kinky Little Girl, Sequi, Charlie Glickman, Clarisse Thorn, Asher, and many others, all begun by Kitty Stryker’s masterful article in “Good Vibrations Magazine” as I continue my search for my Perfect Girl.

“Am I faithful, am I strong, am I good enough to belong in your reverie, a perfect girl.  Your vision of romance is cruel and all along I played the fool.  All your expectations bury me.”

We are manipulators.  We look for those that need our control, our guidance, our firm hand, and there are so many.  We paint ourselves as Masters, benevolent Dominants, knowledgeable, understanding of their needs and welcoming with open arms, our Perfect Girls.  “They are such poor weak creatures, and the give you all they got.” –Zorba  We give them what we know they need, the pain, the sex, the control.  We own them.  We know the way.  We are manipulators.

“I own my insecurities, I try to own my destiny that I can make or break it if I choose.  But you take my words and twist them ’round til I’m the one who brings you down, make me feel like I’m the one to blame for all of this…”

She is what I need, my Perfect Girl, what makes and completes me.  Let me learn to be the same for her.  Blissfully bonded, mutually respectful, experimental and not afraid to be released from those childish lessons of what should be.  Let me understand that by limiting, disrespecting, abusing, cajoled, and pressuring her, I manufacture my loss.  By lifting, supporting, actualizing, and affirming HER, I do the same for me.

“Don’t worry, you will find the answer if you let it go.  Give yourself some time to falter.  But don’t forgo, know that you’re loved no matter what and everything will come around in time.”

The Eroticist

(My sincere admiration and thanks to Sarah McLachlan for “Perfect Girl“)