It is often thought, I suppose, that in a Dominant and submissive relationship the Dominant decides how it is to be run, the submissive does it the Dominant’s way.  I often see on forums and discussion boards, submissives and Dominant’s alike asking about how to handle situations where the submissive is having difficulty living the life that the Dominant has decided for them.  “Should I question my Sir?”  “Must I just accept it?”  “Is it right for her to challenge my Mastery?” “When do I have an opportunity to express what I really feel?”

It pains me to see that people enter into this relationship believing that one and only one person has the right and responsibility for the maintenance of the partnership.  Understand, that is what it is, a partnership between two or more people assuming roles negotiated as equals.  No matter what the disparity between the assumed roles, the responsibility for the relationship is equally divided.   This requires consistent, intelligent and introspective communication between people of respect, all people.

I believe that there should be repeated and regular moments when any and all subjects can be discussed. I was going to add “outside of the D/s dynamic” but I don’t necessarily mean that.

I believe that there should be repeated and regular moments where anything and everything can be on the table.  I believe that the Dominant has the option to bring up any subject at any time, however, I also believe that the submissive should have an open and irrevocable option to respectfully request to be heard on any subject, even basic elements of the D/s dynamic established between them.

Introspective communication is of paramount importance, and that does mean that each partner has a right to express and to demand from the other the expression of their basic heartfelt feelings on any subject. That MAY be, “Sir, I believe and accept that you have the right to decide the actions of our partnership in this area, whatever they may be.” But it may also mean, “Sir, there are elements within me that would choose this action, but I know that the decision is yours.”

However, all parties must accept that it may also mean, “My most Beloved Master, I have struggled to accept your decision for our life together, but, with sorrow, I have found it outside of my ability. We can either renegotiate our relationship or I must consider the option of leaving.” This option must always be acceptable to both partners, as painful as it may be.

The Eroticist