I often talk with people who identify as a submissive, and often they ask me if their Master has the right to do…well…whatever.  My answer is always, “If you give them that right.”

I fear, sometimes, that we on the Dominant side of the equation have worked very hard to perpetuate a very unbecoming untruth.  We portray the D/s or M/s relationship as something sacred and written in stone and that we are the ones who know those rules.  There is a common phrase passed around the internet, “Chain of Command:  I say it.  You do it.  End of Chain.”  Literature is filled with the relationship structure where the beautiful or handsome young thing is kept in a cage and naked, follows every whim of their Master with love and joy and extreme sexual desire.

But I rarely see the element of respect.  I see far too many “submissives” who are willing to accept that a person is a Master just because he knows the words, may have had many slaves, and has all the appropriate trappings. What is more, they seem to feel that because of those words and slaves and trappings this man has the right to be Their “Master”.  They do not accept the possibility that he may be a misogynistic bastard who just doesn’t want to go through the work of establishing and maintaining a decent relationship with anyone.

Whatever “Rights” your Master may have, are given to them by you. You give them the “Right” to command your actions. No one else. There is no rule book, no committee, no organization that gives him a “Master” badge.  A man, or a woman is your Master because YOU say he or she is, and for no other reason.

Claiming to be a “Master” does not give you any “rights” what-so-ever.  You may want your partner to behave a certain way, but just because you claim to be a “Master” does not mean they have to.  If they are to be your sub or slave it should be because they choose to, and they choose to because they look on you with respect.

We form D/s and M/s relationships because all the people involved see a value for themselves and for the others in the kind of dynamic that they create together within that relationship.  Value.  The value comes in those great intangibles, communication, trust, and a willingness to be honest with yourself and your others about what is necessary for you.

So think, what kind of a person should they be if they are to Master you? This is an  overwhelmingly important question based in your self respect.  You must know what it is you need, even in the small things if they are important to you.  Do you need good bathroom habits?  Do you need a clean house?  Do you need fidelity?  Do you need sexual freedom?  Do you need wise and sagely advice? Do you need honest communication? Do you need a Daddy to, at times, cares for you as if you were a child?  Do you need someone who can administer extreme forms of sensation with a knowledgeable and caring hand?  Do you need respect, even in an atmosphere of cruel humiliation?  Think hard about what it is that you need, and then demand that you get it.

So who is to be your Master?  They are your Master if they are worthy of your respect, if they can wisely feed your hungers with a caring hand, if they can honestly communicate to you the differences between your need and your desires, and advise you as to which are beneficial to you.

They are your Master if you believe they are.  They are your Master if you give them the right.

The Eroticist