Posts from the ‘Presentations and Events’ Category

Exxxotica, Dallas

I know, I know, I have promised far more posts about my trip to Chicago, and I do hope to continue.  However, there was much physical and emotional preparation to be done as I now had an opportunity to attend the Exxxotica in Dallas, a new and exciting event for me, with some interesting new dynamics.

The most exciting part about it was that I was able, for the first time, to take my puppy bear with me.  She is an excellent spokeswoman and was an incredible assistance with her organization and ability to describe a bit of what it is like to be at the other end of the whip.  She was also able to talk knowledgeably about being the supporter (usually called the submissive/slave) in a Leader/supporter (D/s, M/s) relationship.  The Exxxotica Dungeon is often filled with more “Dominant” or “Top” types and it is harder to get that kind of personal information.  I could not have dealt with the vast numbers of people who came to the Dungeon without her help.

The other exciting participant was my lovely friend “Frau Blundt” who readers know from many Chicago Exxxoticas.  She was there in great glory passing on her tutelage for any of her “loving little boys and girls”.  Though I think it might be best for her to speak for herself, with her permission, I may be allowed to speak a bit on her engagements with not one, but two different Batmen.

But what I wish to speak about most is the somewhat unusual situation we found ourselves in due to some concerns with the Dallas populous.  I certainly understand the concerns of Dallas Women’s Foundation President Roslyn Dawson Thompson and Dallas Mayor Mike Rawlings.  I am glad to see any organization stand up for people wishing to leave any form of sex trade and anyone who has read my blog should be well aware of my strong position against abuse of women.   I am aware of many strong positions on sexual abstinence and encourage anyone of strong religious belief to refrain from engaging in practices which go against those beliefs.  I am sure it was considered necessary to sign the documents we did restricting our dress, requiring us to refrain from touching any exposed flesh, and even possibly the paragraph stating that we had to immediately cease any of our educational activities in the Exxxotica Dungeon if there was any verbal indication that any visitor was “enjoying” it or “moaning” in any way.

However, though I would like to believe that the protesters in front of the entrance were motivated by their spiritual love and care for their fellow humans, I am not sure that was sufficiently conveyed by their shouts of “Whore”, “Child Raper”, “Cock Sucker”, to anyone passing by and their signs saying, “You deserve to be Raped” and “God Laughs at your Rape”.  I  am reminded of the kind of treatment that many homosexuals have and still receive from people professing a wish for the benefit of others.

I remember when a girlfriend of my youngest child mentioned in passing her attendance at a club I knew was aimed at the more kink friendly people.  Knowing she was a seminary student, I asked her why she went there.  She told me that the people who go to clubs like that always seemed to respect her more, and never argued when she said, “No”.  But when she went to “vanilla” clubs, she had to deal with unwanted touching, rude comments, particularly when alone, and people who would not take “No” for an answer.

While I do understand that Rape happens, that women are abused, and that many people do need assistance leaving a lifestyle that is unpleasant for them, sex and erotic joy is not the cause of those things.  Sex is used by people who have issues with hate, personal inadequacies and their own feelings within themselves.  Perhaps they should become more comfortable with themselves and the wide range of caring human sexuality before they cast their hate upon others.

The Eroticist

Exxxotica 2015 Part Trois, Lilly

In my first post on Exxxotica 2015 I mentioned the lovely Lilly, a beautiful young masochistic rigger, a possessor of the most astounding breasts and caring heart, who had just lost her Daddy.  First I should say that she has found him again for which I am very glad.  For a strong “little” it is terribly difficult to be without her “Daddy” and I am pleased she is home and happy again.

Lilly, Tied

Lilly, Tied

I first met Lilly back in 2012, I think.  She was running a booth alone and in my wanderings away from the Dungeon I stopped to talk.

Trade fairs are created for businesses and companies to promote and sell their product.  Customers go to these fairs to see what new products are available, to examine them, sometimes handle them, and see if they are attractive.   But in Exxxotica and other fairs like them, much of the “products” are people.  This can create a very different dynamic.

If you are lucky, when a movie is promoted, you have an opportunity to come up to some famous movie star, talk to them, and  come away with a feeling that you have had some small opportunity to actually get to know someone you have seen on the screen.

But the movies and photos here are specifically intended to attract your sexual interest.  And here the human brain can (sometimes?) get confused.  After all, these people are selling themselves as sexual objects.  That is their business. Unfortunately, the buying public can, at times, mistakenly believe that they have some right to, shall we say, pick the product up of the shelf, see how it feels in their hand, take the product out for a test drive.  The professionals, in turn, have to walk that delicate balance between allowing the customer an opportunity to feel that desire they want, but not allowing the customer to take unwanted liberties, a balance of charm and distance.  This is very difficult when you want to convey availability, have a body you want to advertise, wear very sexy clothing, and have hundreds of people through a three day weekend who want your time, your attention, your sexuality, your body, and want it all with absolutely no investment of care or responsibility except for a little cash on hand.

I can tell you, I do not believe that I could accomplish that as a career.  So, I  try very hard to be charming, polite, complementary, and respectful to the vendors at the events.  It is important to me, in order to be the man I wish to be, to treat these people as people.  You will be surprised what can happen.

So, I talked with Lilly about what brought her there, what kind of things she liked, mentioned the dungeon and what we do there, found out she was a little, and an appreciable masochist.  (For those who do not know, in my experience, a masochist is someone who derives benefit from extreme sensation.  It may turn them on sexually, it may quiet their over active brains, or it may just show what they are willing to endure for their loved one.)  Anyway, each time I wandered the floor, I would stop, see how she was doing as far as sales, admire her truly phenomenal breasts, and ask how her feet were holding up.

I saw her again in 2013 as she had a booth that year as well and over the years, we chatted many times on FetLife.  I missed 2014 as I was in the middle of a move, but told her that I hoped to see her at the 2015 Exxxotica.  She said that was not to happen, that she was no longer with her Daddy, and could not afford to get a booth at the event.  Well, I did not think that appropriate, and so began a convoluted series of phone calls and negotiations with many people and organizations to see how it would be possible for her to attend, even if she could not have a booth of her own.  (Expensive things, that.)

I won’t go into the details of all the possibilities missed and hit upon, suffice it to say that she was able to attend the entire three days and work in the Dungeon as (I was surprised to find out) she was quite an accomplished rigger (one who works with rope).  But the greatest honor for me was that she asked if I could substitute as her Daddy for the weekend.

Hmmm, let me think.  What was I to do?  Take on the overwhelming responsibility of giving her hugs, kissing the top of her head, sitting with her when we had a break, encouraging her, watching out for her, being there if there was a problem that I could fix, paddling her ass, flogging her, occasionally squeezing her breasts, and having her give me loving smiles.  Hmmm, yea, I could do that.  Yes, there were some problems that needed fixing, but all in all she was a loving and lovely girl that I was glad to have around.

We did have a talk on the last day about how I had a committed partner at home, that we lived far from each other, and that I did not want to stand in the way of her finding a Daddy that was right and good for her, and thankfully, she understood, has found her Daddy, a relationship that, I hope, will be a long and mutually rewarding one.  She is a good woman, and deserves much.

The Eroticist

Lilly as her little girl

Lilly as her little girl

Exxxotica 2015 Part deux, BonBlundt

So, plans are made to go to Chicago, and I know that BonB will be there.  We talk many times on the phone and reminisce about our time in Santa Barbara, two years ago.  So many elements of our play go through our minds, strong emotional humiliation, deep submission, violent sadomasochism, and dedicated service.  I ask her to write me letters on what she desires from me and send a list of button issues (areas which I can use in emotional humiliation play) and to be sure to get tested for STIs.  She will be my transportation for the week and we will be spending a lot of time together.

Through the period of these phone calls, she was called overseas again.  This presented some problems and her occupation with things there and quickly changing events in her life added to some communication issues between herself and overseas medical professionals preventing the correct tests being done and got in the way of letters being written.  To explain a bit from my point of view, being in a position of Dominance, it was perplexing why, what I viewed as simple requests for information would be impossible to do within a relatively long period of time, but I understood her life was quite busy at the time in ways I did not know.

When I arrived in Chicago and saw her, with great joy I grabbed her and squeezed her breast and immediately bit her. Her reaction, however, was surprising.  It was comprised primarily of anger and distance, and mine was a resounding, WTF.  Over the next few days, every attempt to approach her in ways that were familiar to us seemed to result in distancing and anger.  Please understand, I believe this was as much a surprise to BonB as it was to me.

By Friday, the first day of the convention I had seen many things drop away.  Most, if not all sexual attraction towards me, any form of sadomasochist play, and much of the sense of joy of service due to a growing feeling of distance.

At the convention, I asked her to walk around the convention floor as I cracked my whip and “shilled” for the Dungeon.  It is a wonderful area for flirting and I wanted to experience what it would be like if we were able to flirt together, as we had previously discussed.  Sigh, that too was to pass.  As we walked the floor, BonB expressed her feeling that she was just a passive follower with no purpose, was not engaged, and felt useless.  I had No idea what to do and where to go.  To end it all, at the after party, I made a futile attempt at humorous humiliation which resulted in her leaving the party and going to bed.  I spent the rest of the evening sitting with my friend Lili (to be discussed later) and wondering what to do.  Nothing that we had discussed was left.  I did not know where to go.  I was the Dominant.  This was my responsibility, and it was going horribly wrong.

I wish I could tell you the exact moment this happened, the exact progression of thoughts or decisions, but once realized, it was absolute simplicity.  BonB, the girl I had known in Santa Barbara, was a lovely girl in her mid 20s who was going through a tremendous number of changes.  She had just, that weekend, decided to explore her interest in BDSM again after a long hiatus.  She had tickets to leave her home, friends and family and move, perhaps permanently, overseas and explore a new life, new country, and new relationships.  She was ready for a change.

Well, she changed.  What were we to expect?  Though it surprised both of us, the girl I knew in Santa Barbara was not the girl I was with in Chicago, and the only way to find out who she was, was to allow it.  LOL, this can sometimes be a challenge for a Dominant.  But I swear to you, the most enjoyable moments I have had in any relationship were moments when I could remain, or at least struggle to be, detached from what I would want to be, and actually discover what was.  This is a very hard lesson, but one that is worth the effort.  It is ongoing.

So we were there to show anyone who expressed interest, what we do and the undercurrent of joy, communication and love that can (and should) drive us forward in our play and relationships, no matter how UNequal and violent it may seem to the outside.  I can not remember who suggested it, but the thought came up that my dear BonB should show her Dominant side, her Hunter.  After all, my interest was primarily to show pretty little girls what it was like to be on the cracker side of a whip, why shouldn’t she show her skills to the pretty little boys?

So she went to the bathroom and emerged as the strict and powerful, FRAU BLUNDT, hair in a severe bun, corset, and black, tight skirt.  From that moment on we consistently worked back story, character, relationships, and intention of “zee goot Frau” and through Saturday and Sunday I saw this delightful woman truly rejoice in her ability to hunt for, charm, capture, and “correct” a gaggle of young men into her service.  When I could, I mentored her in added ways, almost plots, I suppose, to create a reason for her to “correct” and “teach” these poor wayward boys into appropriate appreciation for her strong willed ways.  It was a true delight to see.

The most amusing moment for me was when  she was applying the dragon’s tongue to the back of a young man who had VERY responsive skin.  When she finished, we all talked for a bit, and as he was facing her, I was the only one noticing that there were many marks on his back that were getting redder and redder as we talked.  After a while I asked him to turn around to show the good Frau Blundt the results of her work, and as he did, her eyes widened and her jaw dropped in almost childlike joy and astonishment.  I absolutely cracked up.

The funny thing, at the end, was that once all our expectations were dropped, once how it was supposed to be was given up for a discovery of how it was, that opened up additional doors, or possibly reopened old doors, and Frau Blundt joyously took on the responsibility of service to “her Superintendent”.  While it was not in any way what we had both thought it would be, it was far better than we could have imagined.  That took a great deal of strength on her part, and I am proud to have seen it.

That pride also goes to my wondrous, most loved puppy bear, who also had changes to go through.  But that will be told, in part, at a later time.

The Eroticist

 

Exxxotica 2015 Part Une

This will be a long series for there is much to tell.  But today I must admit to being emotionally and physically tired.  I returned a day late and through a series of unexpected cities due to Tropical Storm Bill, to find my home well and truly heated with the loving Texas weather and an air-conditioning system which rejected any concept of loving service.

But there are so many people and things to mention that I will tease you all with a list.  I am sure many of you are familiar with BonB from several years back.  Together we experienced a transformation of character and relationship that was truly astounding.  I will present, with great pride, Frau Blundt and her little boys.

Then there was the lovely Lilly, a beautiful young masochistic rigger, a possessor of the most astounding breasts and caring heart, who had just lost her Daddy.

There was Smoke, a truly excellent gentleman, and his partner D6.  I admired them from afar, began to know, converse and play, watched with continued great admiration, and became what I would be proud to call a friend.  A truly fine gentleman with an incredibly erotic lady.

Bad_Beast, a man of knowledge, understanding and honor, the true Master of the Dungeon.

Beyond that there are the cam girls who, for better or for worse, repeatedly came to the Dungeon in the smallest of outfits, carrying their computers and cameras, offering themselves to us in the Dungeon for the sake of their fans, and their clicks, and the coin that generated, sometimes to the detriment of themselves.

There was also Pikachu, a lovely young girl with beautiful multi-color hair, perky breasts and a vast apatite, and then someone I can only describe as the cum girl who visited me twice with a broad smile and a knowledge of exactly what she wanted.

But I can not leave without mentioning the most important and significant woman of them all, a woman of character and strength, who demands I be my best, and who worked arduously through storm and strife to give me the best gift of all, the best she could possibly give, herself, and that is my most precious puppy bear.  She expands my heart.

The Eroticist

Going Home

It is that time of year again when Exxxotica goes to Chicago.  There be my old home town and I greatly enjoy the visit with old high school friends, relatives and significant others, OWS in particular.  I have been involved in the Exxxotica Dungeon for 3 maybe 4 years now and truly enjoy my time there.  Besides being able to wander around a huge convention full of porn actresses and kinky people pointedly cracking my whip, I greatly enjoy talking to the many people there who have interest in, but do not have much experience in or knowledge about the scene.

I am constantly surprised at the amount of preconceived misconception there is about the scene, how you should behave, or what the acceptable roles might be, and I greatly enjoy politely telling people, “ah, well, that is not really how it works.” or “You know, there is no rule book.” or informing them that there is nothing in the scene that says what they want to do is not acceptable.  The kink and BDSM lifestyle is about releasing you from the constraints that your environment and society put on you, not about forcing you into a new set.

I am proud to announce that I have also been asked to give some demos and/or lectures for Swingzotica, an event that is happening inside of Exxxotica for lifestyle members.  (jeesh, “Lectures” sounds awfully grown up.  I prefer to just dialog, you know, talk.)  But those will be happening after Exxxotica closes each day.  If this branch of the lifestyle is of interest to you, I encourage you to look into it.  I am told that they will have a specific area of the hotel all to themselves, but you should hurry, as at last communication, there had only 5 rooms left.

I will do my best to inform you all of the delightful events happening.  But that may not happen until I return home.  I will be lucky enough to have the assistance of BonB, an international actress and educator, who long time readers may remember from my blogs on Exxxotica 2013.  (If you want to know that story, you will have to ask.)  She will also be representing Kinky Kolledge.  She is an excellent communicator and will definitely be able to convey insights into the right side of the D/s, S/m slashes.

I look forward to seeing you all.  Please let me know if you are a reader.  I definitely want to meet you.

The Eroticist

Chicago Friday

First I want to apologize for the extended silence.  While I will spare you the rather lurid details, shortly before my trip to Chicago I caught a bug which has seemed to be intractable.  So far, no diagnosis and to one level or another, it has stayed with me.  While in Chicago, several additional physical issues came forth but I was unable to find therapy until returning to Texas.  As a result, my energy has been incredibly low and little is being done other than maintenance. However, now I am home and I feel a great need to share some experiences I had while in Chicago.  As I mention many people, I also had to wait to mention them until I got permission, a time consuming process.

Friday at Mistress C‘s dungeon was a full and exciting day.  Women were free to enter, and so the hall gets packed.  It was particularly nice to see old friends from the past years at Exxxotica.  Shortly after it started, I heard a scream and saw my good friend Lilly Rose come bounding over to introduce me to her Daddy.  He was unable to attend last year.  It was a Very enjoyable hug.

I want to mention some other people who I was glad to see.  My friend Nina Hartley, a highly intelligent and erudite educator and fine piece of woman flesh, Mistress Candy with her two sissy pets, a delightful Dominant woman who can be polite and playful with a fellow male Dominant and not feel in any way threatened, and the wonderfully diminutive Lady Cupcake, a woman who, if she chooses, can have a unique career in her chosen field.  I would also like to thank Lucky Bastid, and Boston Brian, for their extensive service through the weekend.  Good people all.

There is another friend, or at least acquaintance I had a lovely opportunity to see again.  We had met at last years Exxxotica when she came with a girlfriend and expressed a desire to feel what it was like to have some sensation play.  First, I use the term sensation play to mean any form of play involving more extreme forms of sensation.  Often it is called pain play, but pain is highly subjective and any particular form of activity can create a wide range of reactions and subjective interpretations of what it is that is felt. This beautiful young lady’s reaction was one I talk about often.  She stood before a cross and volunteered to be flogged.  We talked for a while and as she was new, certainly to me and to a great extent to sensation play, I began quite lightly and checked in with her repeatedly.  For most of our time together, she replied positively in a clear and rational manor.  But then, within a space of thirty seconds, she became very quiet.  Sensitive to these kinds of changes I tapered down to a somewhat rapid halt, and asked if she wanted to sit.  Silently she nodded but needed a fair bit of assistance to move off of the cross and sit with her friend.  We talked about her need for liquids, possibly some light food, and that this feeling may possibly continue for as long as a day or two, but that it was to be expected, and not in any way something about which to be concerned.

What is worth remembering is that this was a dramatic change, and occurred over a very short time.  If I knew her better, had more experience with her, I could have extended that float and made it more pleasant for her, but Exxxotica is not really the environment for it.

When she came this year, she look for me, and reminded me of who she was and our experience together.  Aware, I asked her friend to watch her carefully and constantly report to me on her state.  We were able to have a short scene, but at no time was she able to get into that delightful subspace of endorphin induced float.  At this time, I worry that this was a disappointment for her.  I feel I should have spent less time preparing for what might happen from our previous experience and  should have taken the time to talk with her about what level of experience she had gained over the year, and most importantly, find out what it is she wanted from the scene.  I truly do hope it was enjoyable for her.

At another moment I had a conversation with a lovely young lady named Summer.  It began by her asking if she could get into the cage by which I was standing.  Well, I mean who am I to refuse?  If a beautiful young lady ask me to put her in a cage, I am glad to assist.  I sat next to her for a while and had a lovely conversation about scene life, our individual histories and interests, and relationships in general…through the bars.  An enjoyable moment.

One final important interchange. at least important to me. occurred during a paddling scene observed by a handsome young black man.  As we were watching he turned to me and expressed with great concern, “You know, I like that, but I don’t want to be anyone’s Bitch.”  This brought to the fore the vast number of misconceptions that people, particularly people new to the scene who have most of their information from media and internet porn.

The first thing I told him was that there are no package deals!   Just because you enjoy any particular kind of sensation play does not automatically imply that you choose to be submissive to the person applying it.  In fact, I know of several, quite Dominant people, who are quite masochistic and directly inform those submissive to them exactly how to apply sensation and when to do it.

I can not emphasize enough that the incredible joys that can come from this kind of relationship come precisely because we choose to define the dynamics we desire and we look carefully at assumptions, both society’s and our own, in order to choose the relationship that gives us the joy we desire.  Just because we individually choose the dynamics we wish to include in our relationships does not mean we force those choices on others.  The best relationships come when we find a partner who willingly chooses the joyous counterpart to the dynamics we have chosen for ourselves.

I am looking forward to “The Sixties” this week when it looks at the woman’s revolution.  For I believe that if it is your choice, whether it to be a leather clad sadistic mistress trailing her sissy boys behind, or a June Cleaver in pearls waiting to serve her husband in whatever desires he may have, I applaud you.  Let it be your choice, and not just something you are taught to accept.

I wanted to get this published.  There are busy weeks coming for me, but I promise to talk far more about my days at Exxxotica as soon as possible, with pictures.

The Eroticist

Back to Chicago

I will be going back to Chicago, July 10 to the 18th.  I am greatly looking forward to my visit.  I will be there to speak, perform and pontificate at Mistress C’s Exxxotica Dungeon for the three days of the convention. But it is my home town and where I lived for the first 20 some years of my life, and my greatest joy with be the time I will be sharing with my oldest friend and most excellent tour guide, OWS.

I greatly look forward to watching the excellent eye candy, speaking with old friends, meeting new, but I will be looking forward most to the time I will spend with OWS.  He has been exploring major new elements of his life and relationships and I am deeply proud of the courage I have seen in his commitments to growth.  See, even us old fucks can continue to broaden our horizons.

I will do my best to bring announcements and adventures back here to share.  Every time I go to an event like this I learn, some about others, some about techniques, but mostly about myself.  It will be an interesting time for my growing relationship with my puppy bear.  Unfortunately she will be left home, and that will not be easy on her.  But I am very much looking forward to bring home stories for her.

So come with, enjoy the stories, and see if our horizons can expand together.  I hope you will not be too bored with the excellent menus and museums, but Chicago has an abundance of both.

The Eroticist

Late Announcement

I will be on Dr. Bob Rubel’s webinar this evening 6p Pacific (9pm Eastern).  You must sign up for the class, but they are free.

The subject is  “I want a Daddy” – Nurturing Relationships with Arach and Brett – What is a Daddy? Do Daddy’s play sexually with their little girls/boys? Is this incest or age-play? There seem to be a lot of questions concerning this structure. Daddy/girl relations are unlike Daddy/daughter relations that are unlike Daddy/little relations that are different than Daddy/boy or Daddy/boi structures. Join us as we explore some of these structures. We encourage your input if you participate in one of these forms.

I know this is a late announcement, but I hope to see you there.  You will even get to see my new haircut.

The Eroticist

Continuing BonB

I will continue my description of my delightful weekend at Behind Closed Doors – Mutation but I have a need to express a bit about a dear girl previously mentioned here as BonB.  I wrote extensively about my relationship with her beginning here and continuing on for several – more – posts.

This is a situation with which I have little experience.  Before we met she had made a commitment to herself that she would leave much of who and what she was behind to go on a vision quest to a far away place in Europe for study and introspection, searching for the cause and enlightenment within a life changing experience that happened there several years before.  That commitment had been made before but was delayed, I think, due to a beginning involvement with a new man in her life at the time.  I feel that is significant.

This commitment came from a deep soul level understanding that her previous experience was not complete and that she was, not only ready for this life changing experience, but demanding it.  Strangely, due to that commitment, she decided to re-experience her previously abandoned interest in areas BDSM by coming to Exxxotica in Chicago.  There she observed the following.

This video captures the moments the day before we met.  She observed this scene and found something there that peaked her interest.  Though she had intended to come to Exxxotica only one day, she returned the following day and introduced herself.  And so it began.

So here we were, through time and connection, visits to Santa Barbara and moments, the intensity of which are difficult to describe, we passed through conversations (I think we maxed out at eight hours on the phone in a day) and intensive struggles with the upcoming parting and the possible permanence of that, we moved through a long period of “Do we stay connected, or does that allow an ‘out’ or ‘escape’ from the previous commitment to the quest?” and it’s subsequent approach/avoid moments of parting and re-connection.  Here I think is the significance of the delays caused by the previous man in her life.  Again she was ready to go.  Again she had a new man in her life.

Suffice it to say this was not a stress free transition.  There were arguments, accusations, and emotional conflicts comparable to any teenaged romance, and through it all were deep discussions as to what was necessary for a commitment and the inevitable question, “Can you/I commit to your/my vision and to me/you at the same time?”.

Within those conversations was a discussion of how one holds to a commitment.  One can create a situation where they have no choice, create a situation in such a way that backing out has such a high cost that it is the cost itself that holds you to the commitment, or one can accept that one always has ways to back out and it is the constant choice within ones self that holds you to it.  I can not say which is best.

But what I can say, and did say, is that I will not allow myself to be the out, the escape, that will cheapen her commitment. The results of that would be to cheapen my commitment to her, and that I choose not to do.  So, I blocked her phone, removed my “friendships” and posted “Do Not Disturb” on Skype.  My care and deep consideration for her does not allow me to accept an approach if it detracts from what I wish for us.  The only way to respect what I would wish for us is to give it up.  A phrase keeps passing through my mind of the old New Englander standing by the barbed wire saying, “Nope, can’t get there from here.”

And what is the result of all of this?  The strange conundrum that it was She who found the video I linked above, who posted it on her FetLife wall with great joy.  And it is I who write this blog,  to communicate the continuing importance of her in my life, knowing she will read my words, though we do not speak, nor touch, nor look into each other’s eyes.

And so it goes.  WOHIWYAtB

The Eroticist

Behind Closed Doors 2012

I have just returned from an excellent weekend in Tucson at Behind Closed Doors – Mutation, run by the Baja Arizona Leather organization and run and created by the phenomenal Jefferson James and his good lady Lois, both of whom did a Phenominal job this weekend involving a great deal of work, both physical and negotiational.

The drive was…tiring.  Timing was difficult coming from Santa Barbara as no matter what you do, you hit either Los Angeles or Phoenix at rush hour, sometimes both.  I left Thursday presuming that there would be things I did not wish to miss on Friday, only to find that the first event was the cigar social in the evening.  But it was nice to have the day to relax and spend time considering my presentation, “Sexualizing Your Scene.”  A subject dear to my heart, as well as other……ah…..well, anyway.

The Cigar Social was delightful, I was able to meet many new people.  Sometime you should ask me about ashing or cigar play.  I do not smoke much any more, and when I do, I like to take full advantage.

Saturday started with a Discussion by Master Todd and his slave elisabeth on “Myths, Rumors and Realities:  WTF is a 24/7 M/s Dynamic”.  I had not met these people previously and was impressed by their intelligence, information and humor.  There was a lot of requested audience participation, which I enjoy, but I have to admit that part of my enjoyment came from my agreement with their philosophy.

Some important points were that each partner must come to the negotiations from a place of power.  If you do not feel you have any personal power, how can you negotiate its exchange.  Conversely, why would you want to give your power to someone who had none of their own.

We talked about how the roles of Bottom, Submissive, and slave, as well as Top, Dominant, and Master are not steps in a progression.  While you may experience each of those roles, each are unique to themselves and one is not “Less” or “More” advanced than another.

Internal enslavement was discussed as well as the possibility of Love in a M/s relationship and the responsibility of a slaves mistakes belonging to the Master.

I know I am giving short shrift to much of this, but I went to five different classes as well as giving one of my own, and there may be other things to mention as well.  Did I mention Toys?

In the late morning was Jefferson James and “Forced Sex Role-Play (FSRP)”  Yes, the word is “Rape” but the emphasis is on Role Playing.  This means we will do our best to make it seem real while at the same time it is Not.  There was a lot of show and tell as far as toys and tools, gags, and script.  But the most significant statement for me involved negotiation.  “I will not do anything outside of our negotiated limits, but that does not mean I won’t say I will and do my best to convince you that I will.”  When we are dealing with play that purposely engenders fear, there are some tricky distinctions.

After a lunch which had drama of its own came a presentation by Michael Sol, capped rope gentleman on “Erotic Rope:  Connecting with your Bottom.”  While I had come to this presentation because I had an important friend who had a great interest in rope bondage and wanted to learn more about this very broad field and while I felt that connecting with my partner was a very high priority, I did not expect the intensity and spirituality of Master Sol’s presentation.  There were many moments when I caught my breath and fought back tears.

It began with a moment that absolutely emphasized my own interests.  Master Sol brought out a beautiful young girl who removed her clothing to display a rather simple rope dress.  Master Sol then slipped another rope underneath the rope crossed at her belly and asked everyone to be as quiet as possible so they could listen.  He then began to move dance like around his subject and slowly run the rope back and forth under the dress.  The quiet swoosh of the ropes passing over each other soon became mixed with the change in breathing of his subject, then her increasing sounds of arousal.  True music.  An erotic commitment.

One new understanding for me came from the description of a tie.  For those in the know far more than I, they will understand that a tie is a particular form of rope arrangement for purpose or decoration.  Yet, the issue came from different people coming forward with different depictions of this one tie.  Which one was the correct form for this tie?  What brought me to a new understanding of rope bondage was that the tie depended not on the lacing and knotting of the rope, but on the bodily structure of the subject tied.  In other words, each depiction was correct because it was on a different person.  I have reached a far greater appreciation of the art of rope bondage and will take more time with learning it.

There was another play party that evening, but again I did not attend as I was partner-less and tired and had a lot to do the next day.

So endith Saturday.

The Eroticist