Posts from the ‘Mental Games’ Category

Wants and Needs

It has been a while since writing.  For that I apologize.  Holidays, health and births have taken my attention.  But here are some thoughts.

It was often told to me that it is the Dominant’s responsibility to satisfy the Needs of their submissives, but it is their choice as to whether or not they satisfy their submissive’s wants.

To me that seemed a relatively simple, understandable and reasonable statement.  If I am taking some level of responsibility for the well being of this person, much like a parent has responsibility for their child, it is understandable that I would be responsible for their needs, but just because my little girl wants a pony, that does not necessarily mean she will be getting a pony.

But even in Daddy/little girl relationships, understanding the statement is not easily translated into a practical application thereof.  H0pefully we are dealing with adults here, adults who may have had many years experience in deciding exactly what their needs and wants might be.  But deciding the difference between our needs and wants is profoundly different from responsibly deciding what is a need and what is a want in someone else.

The situation complicates because in most cases we are not dealing with simple subjects.  We are not dealing with things but with aspects of our relationship.  Does she want the excitement of being bound to your bed each night or does she need it as a representation of being held within your sphere.  In one case, it is a hot kick which is fun and you can do it or not, and in the other it is a symbol of your surrounding her with your protection and you had best NOT forget about it.

Let us look at the following example:  The two of you have talked extensively about the mutual desire to broaden your sexual relationship, go for a triad for example.  She may a great desire and vast experience with bi-sexuality, for instance, and truly enjoy girl/boy/girl porn.  She thinks that doing that would be so HOT!  You may feel that adding a third to your family would be a delight.

But then comes the day when the two of you invite some hot and horny woman into your bedroom.  Your partner, with whom you have worked for years so she can feel as open and vulnerable to you as possible, look at you as her guide and director, her adviser and teacher, the one who who she allows within this vulnerability to take her to really incredible heights of sexual passion by all those lovely things that You do to HER.  Now she is watching you do all these lovely things to this other woman who shows incredible appreciation for the passion you are lifting in her and you are sincerely loving that appreciation that previously you got only from your partner, and your partner sees that and suddenly things are not going as wonderfully as you both had anticipated.  This is immediately complicated by her knowing she agreed to this, and it is, after all, obviously pleasurable to you.

Or possibly she has wanted to experience two men all her life, and you find another Dominant and you both Top her and you find her responding to His Dominance as she does to yours, and eagerly following His directions or responding to His sadistic thrills as she does to yours.  Suddenly you do not seem as special in your partner’s eyes.  Your appreciation is just not quite as great.  That disillusionment, in either case, can drag on and effect your relationship for quite a long time.

What is a Dominant, a Master to do?  That is a very difficult question and one I have been struggling with for quite a while.  Let me say now that I do not have an answer.  But I have some thoughts.

Something I dearly wish to avoid are disastrous mistakes.  We are dealing, after all, with deeply personal levels of behavior that are often glossed over in relationships.  Most people don’t do what we do and a disastrous mistake can result in the end of a relationship, particularly in times when people jump into fantasy behavior without thinking about the practical and realistic results.

So my first thought is, Take Your Time.  There is no rush here.  Talking about it is fine, describe it, suggest different scenarios.  Suggest different outcomes, even unpleasant ones.  Talk about how the two of you would handle them.

Then Listen.  You will hear the sincere joy or the concern.  There will always be hints.  Be aware of long pauses with questions such as, “Is that what you want?”  Is she just asking, or is she expressing a deep concern.  Then be honest with yourself?  Is it what you want?  Is it important enough to examine the basis of your relationship, because that is what is required?  May be, may not be.  That is up to you.  But make an honest decision.  If you discover that there is an area of fragility, then it is up to you to decide if your relationship is strong enough to test it or whether or not this activity should be postponed.

Observe.  Does she come back to a subject the next day?  Does she seem unsettled?  As a scheduled event approach is she quieter or are there disagreements over unrelated subjects that usually do not happen?  Does she do her service with less joy?

The question is, is it more important to go forward with an event with the possibility of unsettled issues which can cause difficulty in the future, or is it better to wait, postpone the event, and for both of you to work towards transparency and trust?  Which is more important?  What exactly are Your wants and your needs?  I usually move towards waiting.

The Eroticist

Some interesting blogs on the subject by some knowledgeable people, my good friend and a very KinkyLittleGirl.  A multiblog post from the Submissive Guide, but it aims particularly at how a submissive can discern between Wants and Needs, and not from a Dominant’s point of view.  A longer post from A Submissives journey.  He does tend to tell you exactly what those needs are for all submissive women, and you should know that this site has the following policy, “This website is dedicated to the belief and practice of “Absolute Submission” and “Unconditional Surrender” within the “Ancient” and “Biblical” documented and practiced “Natural Order” of women consensually submitting to men.”  Not a philosophy with which I totally agree, but it is an interesting read.

Exxxotica 2015 Part deux, BonBlundt

So, plans are made to go to Chicago, and I know that BonB will be there.  We talk many times on the phone and reminisce about our time in Santa Barbara, two years ago.  So many elements of our play go through our minds, strong emotional humiliation, deep submission, violent sadomasochism, and dedicated service.  I ask her to write me letters on what she desires from me and send a list of button issues (areas which I can use in emotional humiliation play) and to be sure to get tested for STIs.  She will be my transportation for the week and we will be spending a lot of time together.

Through the period of these phone calls, she was called overseas again.  This presented some problems and her occupation with things there and quickly changing events in her life added to some communication issues between herself and overseas medical professionals preventing the correct tests being done and got in the way of letters being written.  To explain a bit from my point of view, being in a position of Dominance, it was perplexing why, what I viewed as simple requests for information would be impossible to do within a relatively long period of time, but I understood her life was quite busy at the time in ways I did not know.

When I arrived in Chicago and saw her, with great joy I grabbed her and squeezed her breast and immediately bit her. Her reaction, however, was surprising.  It was comprised primarily of anger and distance, and mine was a resounding, WTF.  Over the next few days, every attempt to approach her in ways that were familiar to us seemed to result in distancing and anger.  Please understand, I believe this was as much a surprise to BonB as it was to me.

By Friday, the first day of the convention I had seen many things drop away.  Most, if not all sexual attraction towards me, any form of sadomasochist play, and much of the sense of joy of service due to a growing feeling of distance.

At the convention, I asked her to walk around the convention floor as I cracked my whip and “shilled” for the Dungeon.  It is a wonderful area for flirting and I wanted to experience what it would be like if we were able to flirt together, as we had previously discussed.  Sigh, that too was to pass.  As we walked the floor, BonB expressed her feeling that she was just a passive follower with no purpose, was not engaged, and felt useless.  I had No idea what to do and where to go.  To end it all, at the after party, I made a futile attempt at humorous humiliation which resulted in her leaving the party and going to bed.  I spent the rest of the evening sitting with my friend Lili (to be discussed later) and wondering what to do.  Nothing that we had discussed was left.  I did not know where to go.  I was the Dominant.  This was my responsibility, and it was going horribly wrong.

I wish I could tell you the exact moment this happened, the exact progression of thoughts or decisions, but once realized, it was absolute simplicity.  BonB, the girl I had known in Santa Barbara, was a lovely girl in her mid 20s who was going through a tremendous number of changes.  She had just, that weekend, decided to explore her interest in BDSM again after a long hiatus.  She had tickets to leave her home, friends and family and move, perhaps permanently, overseas and explore a new life, new country, and new relationships.  She was ready for a change.

Well, she changed.  What were we to expect?  Though it surprised both of us, the girl I knew in Santa Barbara was not the girl I was with in Chicago, and the only way to find out who she was, was to allow it.  LOL, this can sometimes be a challenge for a Dominant.  But I swear to you, the most enjoyable moments I have had in any relationship were moments when I could remain, or at least struggle to be, detached from what I would want to be, and actually discover what was.  This is a very hard lesson, but one that is worth the effort.  It is ongoing.

So we were there to show anyone who expressed interest, what we do and the undercurrent of joy, communication and love that can (and should) drive us forward in our play and relationships, no matter how UNequal and violent it may seem to the outside.  I can not remember who suggested it, but the thought came up that my dear BonB should show her Dominant side, her Hunter.  After all, my interest was primarily to show pretty little girls what it was like to be on the cracker side of a whip, why shouldn’t she show her skills to the pretty little boys?

So she went to the bathroom and emerged as the strict and powerful, FRAU BLUNDT, hair in a severe bun, corset, and black, tight skirt.  From that moment on we consistently worked back story, character, relationships, and intention of “zee goot Frau” and through Saturday and Sunday I saw this delightful woman truly rejoice in her ability to hunt for, charm, capture, and “correct” a gaggle of young men into her service.  When I could, I mentored her in added ways, almost plots, I suppose, to create a reason for her to “correct” and “teach” these poor wayward boys into appropriate appreciation for her strong willed ways.  It was a true delight to see.

The most amusing moment for me was when  she was applying the dragon’s tongue to the back of a young man who had VERY responsive skin.  When she finished, we all talked for a bit, and as he was facing her, I was the only one noticing that there were many marks on his back that were getting redder and redder as we talked.  After a while I asked him to turn around to show the good Frau Blundt the results of her work, and as he did, her eyes widened and her jaw dropped in almost childlike joy and astonishment.  I absolutely cracked up.

The funny thing, at the end, was that once all our expectations were dropped, once how it was supposed to be was given up for a discovery of how it was, that opened up additional doors, or possibly reopened old doors, and Frau Blundt joyously took on the responsibility of service to “her Superintendent”.  While it was not in any way what we had both thought it would be, it was far better than we could have imagined.  That took a great deal of strength on her part, and I am proud to have seen it.

That pride also goes to my wondrous, most loved puppy bear, who also had changes to go through.  But that will be told, in part, at a later time.

The Eroticist

 

What is Important

My life does not point towards the business end of things.  Even in creative endeavors, that part of it has always been difficult for me.  But I have often found great personal wisdom from Seth Godin.  Case in point, today’s was about the difference between speaking, and speaking up.

I have chosen, in this blog, to express my feelings, views and opinions about what is euphemistically called “The Lifestyle”, how it is expressed and how it is lived by myself and those that I am able to observe around me.  Hopefully I have not just been speaking.  The blog this morning has prompted me to look at what I feel is important within all of that.

I live in a contradiction.  I enjoy the application of severe and painful sensation to other people while not desiring it for myself.  I get sexually excited by forcing that sensation on women, expect them to get sexually excited from receiving it, and expect them to accept that with little complaint.   I desire bonded relationships with multiple women and do not feel it necessary to give them the same right.  I believe it appropriate to cause emotional stress, apprehension, fear, insecurity and difficult challenges to my partners while expecting them to support, please and serve me.

This paints a picture of a severely inappropriate person (to put it very kindly) who should definitely be avoided.  Yet this is what I feel is important.

It is important to be clear, direct, honest and forthright with any partner or prospect as to what I want and what kind of activity I enjoy.

It is important for me to talk with, discuss, and explore the feelings of any partner or prospect and be totally assured that they want the kind of relationship I desire.  This includes questioning them and myself to be assured that this desire comes from a place of health and self assurance and not from a need to act out a deeper trauma.

It is important to continually examine and re-examine my own feelings and desires and communicate to my partner any changes.  It is important to continually question, discuss, and explore my partner’s feelings about what it is they want in our relationship.

It is important that no matter what extreme of disparity in roles, behavior or expectations we have developed and discussed in our relationships that all people within those relationships are held to be of equal value and respect.

It is important to work towards personal growth in myself and assist in the growth of my partners moving towards a goal of physical, mental and spiritual health in each of us and in our relationship.

And it is overwhelmingly important for me and my partners to work towards a life of passionate joy and to do whatever we can to pass that feeling on to those around us.

Be who you are.  Be honest about it.  Help the others in your life to be who they are.

The Eroticist

Control

It has been a long time since I have written here. I apologize for that. As I think you know, I have recently moved several states from California, and for good or ill, I will tell you now that Texas is far more than moving to another state. It is more like moving to another world. I am still struggling to understand the differences in weather. While I have, over the last 30 some years, come to adjust to the expectation of severe fires and the rumble of earthquakes, it was with a fair bit of concern that, in a visit to the local library, I saw several large and insistent signs that read, “Tornado Protection Room”. Toto, we’re not in California any more.

However, I can say that this new world has presented me with some truly wonderful opportunities. There is a vibrant community here and opportunities to meet, talk and play with its members on a daily basis. Far more than was available even in the active metropolis of Los Angeles. Beyond that, I have had the great joy of meeting a lady of deep service and incredible masochism. She is my puppy bear, and we are peacefully and joyously moving through the process of establishing a D/s relationship, moving towards one as M/s, uniquely defined by our individual wishes.

This, obviously, brings me to the subject of the day. But as a caveat, I have to say that there are many who would disagree with my words. I hold to and express my own opinions here. LOL, that is one of the joys of writing your own blog.

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This lifestyle is surrounded by rather simplistic views.  Media presentations, the views of the general public, and surprisingly, those of many of its practitioners hold that the Dominant says, and the submissive does.  Obedience.  While I have seen people I deeply respect live this level of relationship.  You have to get there first.

When one looks at a Dominant and submissive relationship it is usually thought to be of a particular construct. Look at the words. One is Dominant over the submissive. The other is submissive to the wishes of the Dominant. The Dominant, He or She has power over the other. “You Will Do As I SAY.”, “My way or the Highway.”  You might expect that when a person who identifies as a submissive personality approaches one of a Dominant personality that attracts them, asking if the Dominant might consider the submissive, that the D-type would then prepare or have available a list of desires, possibly protocols, possibly directives that the submissive should or must follow to be acceptable to the Dominant. I have seen or heard about many relationships which began in such a way.

Yep, there are tons of things I like, and I will try to communicate those desires to someone I am considering for a relationship so that they can do thing the way I want.  Some are simple, and I can communicate by saying simple things.  I like my coffee with two or three packets of splenda depending on the size of the cup and with a fair bit of half and half.  When I am having breakfast with my partner, I expect her to prepare it to my taste.  There are other things that are harder to delineate, like the kind of sex I enjoy.  That is a process of doing things and consistently questioning, “did you like that?”, “Was that too intense?”, much like a SM scene, reflecting what I see in her expression, breathing, hesitations or words and asking what these signs mean.  This is a longer process.  But if I find someone who is not overwhelmingly enthusiastic over the kind of sex I like, no matter how submissive they might be, the relationship is not going to be rewarding to me.  I know that.

It seems pretty obvious that within this type of relationship, certainly with the little things and somewhat more important things (yea, like sex is somewhat more important), if my partner does not feel rewarded by pleasing me, the relationship is not going to work.  But we do eventually come to situations where, for reasons that I firmly believe are for the physical or emotional benefit of this person, I wish to tell them I do not wish them to continue in a particular behavior, or I wish them to do something that was not a habit for them before.  So the question is, “How much do they wish me to actually Control them?”

Many people in the world can not identify with this, and that is fine.  It is not for them.  But I firmly believe from my personal experience that some individuals truly need control.  Now I am not saying that they are childish and need parental restraints.  I am not saying that these people need to be controlled for the safety of themselves and society, though obviously some do.  But I am saying that there are individuals in this world that are happier and can lead more fulfilled lives within a context of loving outside control.  They are more comfortable.  

Believe me, they will fight it.  But I firmly believe they will be happier if they have it.

Now absolutely, I understand that what I just said, they will fight it, but they need it for their own benefit, is unquestionably an available excuse for abuse.  I can ignore what you say you want, and punish you for not doing what I say.  And what am I to do with that?  If you are fighting my control, how do I know that my control is nevertheless what you want and need?  Again, there is no rule book here.  But it is absolutely necessary for any Dominant to find that out.  It has to be tested, over and over and over, until you are sure.  You might even try asking.

Spend time paying attention.  Give advice and see if it is followed.  If it is not, then ask if this level of control is really what they want.  Acknowledge the difficulties, and ask if they trust you.  Do not just demand.  Explain why you have made your decision.  Explain why you feel it is for their benefit.  Most importantly, ask how they would feel if you said, “I don’t care.  Do what you want.”  Ask.  For it is vitally important that you know and that they know, that this level of control is what they want.  Listen.  They will tell you.

Just because someone identifies as submissive, just because someone identifies as Dominant does not give licence to the arbitrary.  This relationship is based on deep communication and trust, mutual understanding and acceptance of each other’s needs.  It takes attention and work.  Try it.

A Collar of Consideration

As those who know me are quite aware, I tend to be rather free in voicing my opinion.  I don’t really feel there is anything wrong in that as I also tend to listen to the reactions.  I was in a large group the other day where the subject of “Collars of consideration” and “Training Collars” came up.  I have strong opinions on the validity of these concepts and was, ahem, free to voice them.

First, I should say that there is a difference between the two, though the terms are often used interchangeably.  But you should understand that these are my opinions, and so should be taken with the proverbial grain of salt.  All the terms we use in this lifestyle should be understood and negotiated between the people within the relationship (good advice for anyone in any relationship).   “Training Collars” can be thought of as a public display or indication that there is a relationship, negotiated to some extent, for the purpose of conveying knowledge from a Dominant to a submissive.  But it excludes, in my mind, any form of behavioral restriction any more than your British Lit professor would be one to say what kind of hobbies you can have on the weekend.

“Collars of Consideration”, in my experience, are more amorphous and ill-defined.  I would think that it would be public display or indication that there is relationship where each person is considering their compatibility with the other with the intent of “considering” a deeper relationship.  However, how I have seen them used, unfortunately, is by somewhat insecure Dominants to restrict access to a submissive, to constrict their ability to communicate to other Dominants and to isolate them while at the same time,  refraining from making any significant commitment to the submissive themselves.  You may see, for example, a Dominant handing out one or two (I have seen as many as seven) “Collars of Consideration” to, typically very new submissives, and immediately stating that they are not allowed to communicate with any other Dominant, while obviously continuing to communicate or “collar” as many other submissives as possible.  In the worst cases, this “collaring” includes sexual demands and poorly negotiated play, for typically, these submissives know very little about the lifestyle.  This, in my humble opinion, is unacceptable to the point of being abusive.

Well, in the above mentioned discussion, I did express myself.  Yes, that I did.  I was then approached, suprisingly politely by a gentleman who asked if I would be receptive to his submissive communicating to me her experience with his “Training Collar.”  Surprised and pleased, I immediately accepted the offer.  With their permission, I quote the letter below.

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Good Evening Arach,

I shall share with you this girl’s journey with a Training Collar.

W/we met, and clicked right away: it was kismet, and this girl threw herself at his feet, figuratively ;). He did not rush to commitment initially, but wanted to see U/us grow organically. When things continued to go well, this girl began dropping hints about desiring a tangible daily reminder of His affection and presence. She was thrilled to be gifted with a simple chain collar, secured with a lock, and a key around her Sir’s neck.

She accepted His training collar with Glee, with compliment, and Hope. Knowing that there was to be a considerable amount of training involved.

In my honest opinion: Any submissive whom accepts a Training Collar as a gift of “being someone’s owned property” is foolish and setting themselves up for a difficult relationship.

Being collared, in training, held me in a very aware state of mind. To learn Him, to learn what it was like to Be His. Not Under His control, but to be beside Him as a prized possession.

i was under His consideration. Training to know Him, because I chose Him. And desired to learn Him. To be his partner, and to please Him. I wore His training collar everyday as a physical reminder of my devotion. it pleased me to know i was wanted and worthy of being owned by Him. Although nothing was guaranteed, the training collar held an intent. If this girl was worthy, and He continued to see growth, potential, and affection for her, the relationship would deepen. And it did.

UNTIL He allowed this girl to wear His training collar, He was not able to see this girl’s full potential.

It was not always easy. Sir’s expectations were sometimes challenging, but this girl was eager to see Sir’s approval. With time, this girl saw the benefit of my [Sir’s] direction, with many positive changes to her life. Under His Hand, she saw her work, family, personal relationships, and daily life improve. Complicated dynamics grew much simpler, as He stood by me during challenges.

The placing of the original collar was a milestone in O/our relationship. One of commitment, training, discipline, and (for this girl, submission). The training collar held U/us to a more open and mutually gratifying connection. More responsible, real, and life joining. The training allowed U/us to both see the future of O/our dynamic and how W/we could make it be successful.

Either of U/us could have decided not to proceed at any time. Training is not just for the one wearing the collar… it is also for the One collaring. But that sentiment has been shared soo many times, this girl is reluctant to write a ‘cliche’.

i have been given (and accepted) a Permanent collar. The training of this girl is not over and complete. However, He has chosen me, trained me to be His, and this girl has chosen Him in every way. The training collar was an important step O/our D/s with a great deal of meaning. This girl hopes to have written her feelings about it in a way you can understand.

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There are a lot of things I want to point out.  First, it seems obvious that the collar was not given quickly and that there was mutual discussion involved.  Second, the submissive is the one who requested it.  There was also a fair bit of understanding on the part of the submissive as to what is required in this kind of relationship and the mutual responsibility involved and each ones ability to say, independently, whether or not this relationship was their continued choice.  The relationship deepened because, ” He continued to see growth, potential, and affection for her” but also because she saw it in him.  This is, after all, a Mutual relationship.

I am very pleased to see this example of how a training collar can be used for mutual growth and benefit.  I would say, however, that this path and the use of a training collar is in no way required or necessary.  Relationships grow.  People meet, hopefully honestly discuss their needs and wishes for that relationship, and then explore whether or not those needs and wishes can be fulfilled.  For me, this stage is a bit early for collars or engagement rings.  But in the example given to me, it was a valid, valued stage in their development.

While I still feel strongly that the use of “Collars of Consideration” I stated above is a shameful example of the mistakes that are made within the lifestyle, I was very glad to see an example of early Collars used in an affirming and empathetic relationship.

The Eroticist

Punishment, FUNishment and Brats

First of all, hello from TEXAS.  The move was far more expensive than I expected, primarily due to my inability to stoically toss things before the move.  But the house is slowly coming to order, I am getting to know new people, and finding a place for my lifestyle and art.  I wish you all the same.

This came from a text conversation this morning with a delightful young lady with whom I am discussing a relationship.  I will attempt to edit it for a more general audience.

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There is still much we do not know about each other.  I understand that we brushed against areas this morning in texts that brought you to questioning whether or not I was being SERIOUS.  That is a constant problem with texts, particularly short ones like tweets.  The inclination is to interpret from ones own fantasy rather than test reality.  Remember, “What did you mean by that?” is always a good question.  I looked to see if I posted on this rather important subject and could not find it.  But that is for another time.

When I say I can go MUCH farther, that is true.  I can whip you till you hang bleeding from the cross, till you are unable to speak.  I can do many MANY things to make your flesh RAW.  I can slap you, yell at you, convince you I am FURIOUS, be one Mean Mother Fucker, and push limits quite firmly.  But all of that comes well AFTER we know each other enough to know the long term affects of that kind of play and a level of communication is established that allows me to KNOW that is what you desire.  That kind of play, after all, takes a LOT of control, knowledge and observation.  In other words, it takes a lot of work.  However, all of that falls inside our relationship, and I would work for a state where, even days later, you would wish to hug me tightly and tell me again and again how appreciative you are of your level of joy and contentment and where I was able to take you.  Adoration, yep, that feeds me.
 
Being inside of our relationship also means that I must consider the results of my actions within my chosen constructs.  As I have said, your health, both physical and mental comes first, next your family and friends, and third your career.  Within those last two is a strange concept, which can best be termed, “Your standing in the community”, meaning what level of “Outing” do you feel comfortable.  If you are the kind of person who enjoys wearing a collar and cuffs around in public and pointing to a bruise and telling a stranger how JOYOUSLY you are treated, then there really isn’t an issue.  However, if that is not your style, and you wish people to think of you as a normal suburban matron, then having you walk around with obvious bruising on your face or neck, arms or legs where it cannot be covered, no matter HOW far you and I wish to push your limits, will be avoided.
 
However, that does not mean that if you push MY limits there will not be consequences.  In the very broadest sense, obviously, we each have the choice, at any time, to say that this relationship is not for us, and move on.  But that, I would hope, would only be considered after extensive conversation.  If errors are made, the first question to be asked is, ,were they avoidable, and if so, why did they happen.  There are reasons these things happen and life does get in the way, but the question WILL BE ASKED, if the error was IN ANY WAY, a statement of dissatisfaction with the relationship.  THAT is serious.
 
Punishment is usually not an action but a removal.  I would HOPE that what is most desired is contact and interaction with me.  True punishment, then, is the removal of what is most desired for whatever is an appropriate length of time.  But all of that is only appropriate after explanations and discussions.  Once done, IT IS DONE, and cuddles, sex and joyous play will resume.  I have talked about my punishment philosophy before.
 
Now, all of that is NOT to say that a bit of brattish play is not enjoyed.  I do enjoy a large bit of repartee and it does add to the joy of play, so we come to FUNishment.  “Oh, Daddy, I did something so VERY bad today.  I was in the office in a meeting trying SO hard to be professional, but I thought of you and under the table I touched myself.  I was SO wet.”  “Oh, my naughty girl, you MUST control yourself.  What CAN I do to teach you to be BEHAVE?”  etc., etc, etc.
 
Obviously, there is also, “Oh, Sir, is that the best you can do?  I am not sure I felt that.  Did you actually touch me?”  But I do warn you to consider the second paragraph above before you try that.  Because I am sure I can eradicate that thought from your head quite quickly.
 
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So much of what we do, what people should do particularly in sexual situations, is play with each other, assume differing roles to increase the satisfaction of ourselves and our partners.  But when playing roles we have to make sure our partners know we are playing roles.  That is incredibly difficult in 140 characters or less.  Possible with people who know each other very well, but also possibly disastrous with people who do not.  Beware!  I will speak on this again later.
 
The Eroticist

A Merry and a Happy

It has been a while since I wrote here.  I hope you are all well.  It seems that I am now settled in the Austin Area.  I have touched base with members of my family, have taken delivery of all STUFF (far more than I have any reason to have moved) and am deeply entrenched in the process of finding places for it all in a structure that makes a comfortable place to be.  LOL, that goal still seems far away.

But the move itself, as I suppose for many people, is a strange emotional process.  Of course there are the reviews of the place we leave, our friends, the ones we are glad to leave and the ones we wish to hold, the reviews of STUFF and why in the World we have kept it all for so long, and the fear and anticipation of what our life will be like in our new place.  For me this also included a drive through 35 years of my history from Santa Barbara to Tucson, flooding with memories both good and bad and an unfortunate and long distant good by to my friend BonB which was painful and not desired in any way, a moment of hopes dropping away.  But it reminded me of another moment in my life, a moment of cusp when things dropped away.  Within months my bird flew out the window, my cat went on a walk and never returned, and my dog died.  I thought that was enough to free me for whatever was coming, until my mother passed.  Swept clean.

So now it is again a clean slate, new beginnings, a new year.  The Holidays are upon us, for good or ill, and it is my fervent wish that all who read this see the beauty in their lives, have moments of connection with others that bring both joy and care, fill their hearts with loving kindness, and create passion for themselves and within others.  Be well, my friends, and take moments to share with those you meet.

The Eroticist