Posts from the ‘Mental Games’ Category

Behind Closed Doors – 2012 (2)

Sunday began with some nerves as it was my time for a presentation “Sexualizing Your Scene”.  I mean what do you do with that.  Isn’t sex the point?  In many cases, no.  Some people enjoy extensive forms of Sadomasochistic play, humiliation play, service or entire relationships which do not involve sexual engagement on any level.

However, that is not me.

I believe one of the most powerful human dynamics is the interaction between two or more sexually attracted human beings and that subsequent dance of attraction.  I have spoken previously about the possibilities of orgasm control, valentine gifts, Love in a BDSM Relationship, secrets shared, a loving poker chip, the care of the throat, and a kiss.  But I have never before had to discuss how to put sex into a scene.  It was daunting, but strangely came out quite easily as a casual conversation.  While I do not intend to give my hour and a half discussion here, let me simply say, observe, listen, move slowly, reflect, respect and have faith.  It will happen to a far greater extent than you thought possible.  Be sensitive to what is happening in your partner, do not fear to take control, understand they want what you can do for them.

The second presentation I attended on Sunday was “Living Real and Authentic Lives:  The Key to Our Happiness” by Master Taino.  His presentation paralleled the following one I attended, from Ms. Diana, who I call my Mater Familia as she was the first person I spoke with when I chose to enter into the BDSM Community so many years ago.  She has been a caring friend and mentor since that day.

The best way to describe their thoughts is with the word acceptance, particularly acceptance of yourself, but of the broader community as well.  We all have been raised within an atmosphere created and controlled by people of a previous generation.  Some luck few were raised to accept the diversity of humans as a whole and accept the uniqueness of ourselves.  These few were allowed to choose a path in life that fit who we were as new and unique human beings.

But I think it only takes a casual observation of the society in which we live to see that many, if not most people who surround us have very strong feelings about how one ought to live that does not allow for others to form their lives the way that is most comfortable to who they are.  I would even venture to say that many people feel they are not allowed to live their own lives the way that is most comfortable to who they are.

Master Taino as well as Ms. Diana spoke strongly on accepting who you are, and living a life true to yourself.  Master Taino echoed those thoughts and went on in his closing address to say that our community, indeed all communities will have a far better chance of survival if they accept the wide range of choices available to the human animal, and realize that just as we have a right and responsibility to live true to ourselves, so do others, male, female, gay, straight, sis- or trans-gendered, and these other’s life choices rarely, if ever, truly threaten our own.  Knowing and accepting the diversity of possibilities only broaden’s our world view.  It does not force those choices onto us.

It was a good weekend.  The only shame was that for each presentation I saw there were two that I missed.

OH, I forgot to mention TOYS.  I was able to broaden my electrical range by getting a deal on an Electro Pleasure Probe (yes it is insertable) and a very interesting Hitachi like vibrator with two circular metal bands around the head that can be electrified.  Interesting.  Any volunteers?

As an aside, I would like to encourage comments from my readers.  Though I do know you are out there, I also enjoy a dialog and dislike the feeling that I am talking into a void.

The Eroticist

Behind Closed Doors 2012

I have just returned from an excellent weekend in Tucson at Behind Closed Doors – Mutation, run by the Baja Arizona Leather organization and run and created by the phenomenal Jefferson James and his good lady Lois, both of whom did a Phenominal job this weekend involving a great deal of work, both physical and negotiational.

The drive was…tiring.  Timing was difficult coming from Santa Barbara as no matter what you do, you hit either Los Angeles or Phoenix at rush hour, sometimes both.  I left Thursday presuming that there would be things I did not wish to miss on Friday, only to find that the first event was the cigar social in the evening.  But it was nice to have the day to relax and spend time considering my presentation, “Sexualizing Your Scene.”  A subject dear to my heart, as well as other……ah…..well, anyway.

The Cigar Social was delightful, I was able to meet many new people.  Sometime you should ask me about ashing or cigar play.  I do not smoke much any more, and when I do, I like to take full advantage.

Saturday started with a Discussion by Master Todd and his slave elisabeth on “Myths, Rumors and Realities:  WTF is a 24/7 M/s Dynamic”.  I had not met these people previously and was impressed by their intelligence, information and humor.  There was a lot of requested audience participation, which I enjoy, but I have to admit that part of my enjoyment came from my agreement with their philosophy.

Some important points were that each partner must come to the negotiations from a place of power.  If you do not feel you have any personal power, how can you negotiate its exchange.  Conversely, why would you want to give your power to someone who had none of their own.

We talked about how the roles of Bottom, Submissive, and slave, as well as Top, Dominant, and Master are not steps in a progression.  While you may experience each of those roles, each are unique to themselves and one is not “Less” or “More” advanced than another.

Internal enslavement was discussed as well as the possibility of Love in a M/s relationship and the responsibility of a slaves mistakes belonging to the Master.

I know I am giving short shrift to much of this, but I went to five different classes as well as giving one of my own, and there may be other things to mention as well.  Did I mention Toys?

In the late morning was Jefferson James and “Forced Sex Role-Play (FSRP)”  Yes, the word is “Rape” but the emphasis is on Role Playing.  This means we will do our best to make it seem real while at the same time it is Not.  There was a lot of show and tell as far as toys and tools, gags, and script.  But the most significant statement for me involved negotiation.  “I will not do anything outside of our negotiated limits, but that does not mean I won’t say I will and do my best to convince you that I will.”  When we are dealing with play that purposely engenders fear, there are some tricky distinctions.

After a lunch which had drama of its own came a presentation by Michael Sol, capped rope gentleman on “Erotic Rope:  Connecting with your Bottom.”  While I had come to this presentation because I had an important friend who had a great interest in rope bondage and wanted to learn more about this very broad field and while I felt that connecting with my partner was a very high priority, I did not expect the intensity and spirituality of Master Sol’s presentation.  There were many moments when I caught my breath and fought back tears.

It began with a moment that absolutely emphasized my own interests.  Master Sol brought out a beautiful young girl who removed her clothing to display a rather simple rope dress.  Master Sol then slipped another rope underneath the rope crossed at her belly and asked everyone to be as quiet as possible so they could listen.  He then began to move dance like around his subject and slowly run the rope back and forth under the dress.  The quiet swoosh of the ropes passing over each other soon became mixed with the change in breathing of his subject, then her increasing sounds of arousal.  True music.  An erotic commitment.

One new understanding for me came from the description of a tie.  For those in the know far more than I, they will understand that a tie is a particular form of rope arrangement for purpose or decoration.  Yet, the issue came from different people coming forward with different depictions of this one tie.  Which one was the correct form for this tie?  What brought me to a new understanding of rope bondage was that the tie depended not on the lacing and knotting of the rope, but on the bodily structure of the subject tied.  In other words, each depiction was correct because it was on a different person.  I have reached a far greater appreciation of the art of rope bondage and will take more time with learning it.

There was another play party that evening, but again I did not attend as I was partner-less and tired and had a lot to do the next day.

So endith Saturday.

The Eroticist

Tomorrow, and the Game

As many of you know I have been in communication with a truly delightful young girl who is quite close to my heart.  Since we are both quite distant right now, and because we both are highly sexual creatures, we often play quite serious sexual games over the phone.  As many of you also know, I take great joy in demanding, delaying, and increasing a woman’s eventual climactic release.

So, I was instructing her in how to stimulate herself with the overwhelmingly handy Hitachi Magic Wand.  My purpose in all of this was to give her one hell of an incredible orgasm, but as you will see, things did not go as planned.  You see, I was driving from LAX to Santa Barbara, a drive that can take two hours.  We were talking all around the subject until I finally instructed her to go lie naked on the bed, turn on the Magic Wand, and do as I instructed.  This involved light taps on her clit, some exploration with her fingers, and then a few longer periods of holding the vibrator on her clit.

I noticed at that time that my phone battery was not taking a charge from the car charger, and was soon to die.  Taking this as an opportunity, I told her to keep the magic wand where it was, and I was going to get another battery out of my suitcase (I did know exactly where it was and had already parked the car) and hang up to change the battery.  I then reminded her that she was not to cum until I told her, and emphasized that by saying if she did, I would hang up and not talk to her until tomorrow.  I then raced and got the battery, came back and heard the most delightful sounds of frustration vs. pleasure, and changed the battery.

She didn’t make it.  She came while I was off the phone.

Now I want to emphasize, failure was NOT my goal.  There are other situations when failure can be a reasonable goal, but that usually has to do with funishment, and not punishment.  We talked further (notice I did not say when I would hang up the phone), I expressed my deep sorrow (for as she correctly stated, this was a loss to both of us) and told her that she would call me immediately upon waking tomorrow.  Then I told her again that I loved her, and hung up.

I need you to understand that this was MY mistake.  My goal was to create a shared experience of an overwhelming orgasm.  I knew she came rapidly and was already in quite a state of excitement.  I thought she could last until I returned, but did not judge the time correctly.  It was MY mistake.  But I had said what I said, and could not talk to her through this day, and had ordered her to call me as soon as she woke up tomorrow.

However, I immediately texted her to say, “What is the definition of tomorrow?”  You see, here is the game.  First, I did not say I would not text her.  Second, is tomorrow after she wakes in the morning?  Could tomorrow be any time after Midnight?  Whose midnight?  She is in the central zone, I am pacific.  If she took a nap and woke up at 12:01 her time, that would be waking up tomorrow.  But she is very new to the lifestyle, and I wanted to give her a hint.  so I said, “What is the definition of tomorrow?”

But she went in a very strange direction.

“What is the definition of wake up?  u said as soon as i wake up tomorrow.”

“yep.  I have not defined it, so you can.”

You see, if a Dominant does not tell you clearly, you have every right to define it in the best way possible.  If she wants to talk to me, by the rules I set, she can take a nap, and wake at 12:01 her time (10:01 mine) and be completely within the rules.  But she went further.

“Who’s the dominant here?…”  Now that is a good way to tick me off.  “u gave the punishment.  you make the rules.  please clarify.”

I replied that would have to wait until I was not driving.  She then suggested that I call, she would not pick up, and I could leave a message.  I felt that was far to close to talking.  I told her that she was being greedy.

Then she left this.

“In any case, being as im so greedy, I will not text you or contact you until you are able to clarify my punishment.  its only FAIR.”

And by saying that, she had suddenly changed the rules of the game.  For there is no reason I have to explain myself.  I said what I said and told her that she could take my words and define them any way she wished.  I gave her the tools.  But now, she has upped the anti, and since I will NOT be calling her, writing her, texting her, or even posting this blog until well after she would wake tomorrow, let us see whether or not she will do as she says, and not text or contact me, or will she do as I said, and call me immediately after she wakes…….tomorrow.

The Eroticist

BonB for Dinner

So Exxxotica is finished, I am having a delightful time re-exploring my old home town.  (Raised from year 1 in the same house on the North Shore outside of Chicago all the way through my college years.)  I had a needed opportunity to see my admired and loved cousin and his good wife and I met up with three high school friends with whom I was VERY close through the High School years.  One in particular who I had wished fervently to jump the bones thereof.  Rested, enjoyed, and had a truly delightful time.

One particularly enjoyable afternoon was spent with the girl I call BonB, the reasons for that being in an earlier post.  She had written me saying she knew I was in Chicago for an additional week and she was open to getting together as she knew I enjoyed “Cuddle time” particularly after a scene.  Good, nice to get that sort of thing, and we got together for a bit of SM play and a vast amount of extremely good, wide ranging conversation.  We talked about each others interests, limitations, particular desires and approaches towards the world.  Limits here are particularly important, and if you do not remember, it would be best, for the purposes of the next two posts, to review her approaches to submission, being a little girl, and honorifics such as “Sir”, “Master” and “Daddy” and understand that she had a very busy schedule and her time was totally limited.  So it would be possible perhaps to see each other once, in the afternoon, but probably that would be all.  (Her laughter at this moment is beginning, along with a certain level of enjoyable discomfort.)

But to explain a bit about the dynamics between myself and this delightful woman, I should tell you about the third time we got together in Chicago.  (Yes, I did read the previous paragraph and realize the dichotomy between her stated lack of time she could spend with me and the following week.)  OWS and I spent an incredibly enjoyable afternoon in the Millennium Park area (which has changed radically in the last 40 years).  We walked through the towers of water, watched many young ladies getting extremely wet.  (A quality I greatly admire in a woman.)  And sat and napped with our feet in the water as a most beautiful moth rested on my knee.

The evening was spent at Pegasis Restaurant and Taverna on their their rooftop looking through the Chicago skyline where we had extensive appetizers and Greek beer and wine.  A bit later we were joined by BonB who I greeted by slipping my hands up the back of her head and tightly holding her hair while retaining her intense bright blue eyes before a kiss.  It was a good moment and set the tone of the evening.  We then retired to the table where I fed her whatever food she wished.  By the way, I mean that literally.  She never used a utensil.  That was pertinent at our next dinner, the fourth time we got together, and yes, I did read that paragraph above.

Conversation was casual and delightful, despite what my hands were doing under the table.  The food and service was excellent including a quite casual and humorous relationship with our waiter.  When the rain began, we sat and watched, enjoying it emensly, until BonB stood up, leant backwards over the railing and opened her mouth.  I can safely say it was to the delight of many of the observers thereof.

So where does this go, this seemingly momentary relationship with this delightful and most masochistic of women?  She is a strong willed woman, truly an enjoyer of life, with a strong sense of independence and little patience for submission, obvious verbal statements of respect, and a laughing acknowledgement that some people seem to like the Daddy/lg dynamic but “reeeeallllyyy?“, all dynamics that I respect and desire.  Sigh, ah well.  But I had to acknowledge that she was incredibly masochistic, which I enjoy, and an overwhelmingly competent communicator, which I respect as an absolute necessity.

Well, I did have to go home to Santa Barbara, and there was a difficult issue there.  Neither my cousin nor my good friend OWS could get me to Midway due to work and other commitments, and public transportation did require several different forms of transport and transfers and the expectation that it would take a very long time.  I hesitantly asked if BonB would consider taking me, and she immediately offered.  One very nice woman, that.  I am not sure how it came around, but there was also an invitation for Dinner with me and OWS that Sunday night before my Monday flight which was also quickly accepted, that being the fifth time we were to get together, paragraph above considered.

OWS outdid himself.  The dinner was exquisite, beautifully prepared and served.  The first of many amusing moments was when we sat down to eat and BonB took an inordinately long time to begin.  It was only after a long wait that it came out that she did not know if she was to eat or be fed, and was waiting for me to make the first move.  That went right by me I am ashamed to say, but was easily resolved.  Another quite pleasant moment involved whipped cream, berries, and delightfully naked breasts.  Fun for all.

Somewhere that evening I mentioned to BonB that, in fact, we would have to leave quite early to get me to the airport the next morning, and though I did not really know where we might sleep, it seemed appropriate for her to spend the night, if she was comfortable with that.  She replied that she had come with the full and complete expectation of sharing my bed and was prepared and to stay the night when she left home.

Yes, I know, the paragraph.  But a very good girl.

That night, the morning, and a parting gift will make up my next post.

The Eroticist