Posts from the ‘Sensuously Sexual’ Category

Wants and Needs

It has been a while since writing.  For that I apologize.  Holidays, health and births have taken my attention.  But here are some thoughts.

It was often told to me that it is the Dominant’s responsibility to satisfy the Needs of their submissives, but it is their choice as to whether or not they satisfy their submissive’s wants.

To me that seemed a relatively simple, understandable and reasonable statement.  If I am taking some level of responsibility for the well being of this person, much like a parent has responsibility for their child, it is understandable that I would be responsible for their needs, but just because my little girl wants a pony, that does not necessarily mean she will be getting a pony.

But even in Daddy/little girl relationships, understanding the statement is not easily translated into a practical application thereof.  H0pefully we are dealing with adults here, adults who may have had many years experience in deciding exactly what their needs and wants might be.  But deciding the difference between our needs and wants is profoundly different from responsibly deciding what is a need and what is a want in someone else.

The situation complicates because in most cases we are not dealing with simple subjects.  We are not dealing with things but with aspects of our relationship.  Does she want the excitement of being bound to your bed each night or does she need it as a representation of being held within your sphere.  In one case, it is a hot kick which is fun and you can do it or not, and in the other it is a symbol of your surrounding her with your protection and you had best NOT forget about it.

Let us look at the following example:  The two of you have talked extensively about the mutual desire to broaden your sexual relationship, go for a triad for example.  She may a great desire and vast experience with bi-sexuality, for instance, and truly enjoy girl/boy/girl porn.  She thinks that doing that would be so HOT!  You may feel that adding a third to your family would be a delight.

But then comes the day when the two of you invite some hot and horny woman into your bedroom.  Your partner, with whom you have worked for years so she can feel as open and vulnerable to you as possible, look at you as her guide and director, her adviser and teacher, the one who who she allows within this vulnerability to take her to really incredible heights of sexual passion by all those lovely things that You do to HER.  Now she is watching you do all these lovely things to this other woman who shows incredible appreciation for the passion you are lifting in her and you are sincerely loving that appreciation that previously you got only from your partner, and your partner sees that and suddenly things are not going as wonderfully as you both had anticipated.  This is immediately complicated by her knowing she agreed to this, and it is, after all, obviously pleasurable to you.

Or possibly she has wanted to experience two men all her life, and you find another Dominant and you both Top her and you find her responding to His Dominance as she does to yours, and eagerly following His directions or responding to His sadistic thrills as she does to yours.  Suddenly you do not seem as special in your partner’s eyes.  Your appreciation is just not quite as great.  That disillusionment, in either case, can drag on and effect your relationship for quite a long time.

What is a Dominant, a Master to do?  That is a very difficult question and one I have been struggling with for quite a while.  Let me say now that I do not have an answer.  But I have some thoughts.

Something I dearly wish to avoid are disastrous mistakes.  We are dealing, after all, with deeply personal levels of behavior that are often glossed over in relationships.  Most people don’t do what we do and a disastrous mistake can result in the end of a relationship, particularly in times when people jump into fantasy behavior without thinking about the practical and realistic results.

So my first thought is, Take Your Time.  There is no rush here.  Talking about it is fine, describe it, suggest different scenarios.  Suggest different outcomes, even unpleasant ones.  Talk about how the two of you would handle them.

Then Listen.  You will hear the sincere joy or the concern.  There will always be hints.  Be aware of long pauses with questions such as, “Is that what you want?”  Is she just asking, or is she expressing a deep concern.  Then be honest with yourself?  Is it what you want?  Is it important enough to examine the basis of your relationship, because that is what is required?  May be, may not be.  That is up to you.  But make an honest decision.  If you discover that there is an area of fragility, then it is up to you to decide if your relationship is strong enough to test it or whether or not this activity should be postponed.

Observe.  Does she come back to a subject the next day?  Does she seem unsettled?  As a scheduled event approach is she quieter or are there disagreements over unrelated subjects that usually do not happen?  Does she do her service with less joy?

The question is, is it more important to go forward with an event with the possibility of unsettled issues which can cause difficulty in the future, or is it better to wait, postpone the event, and for both of you to work towards transparency and trust?  Which is more important?  What exactly are Your wants and your needs?  I usually move towards waiting.

The Eroticist

Some interesting blogs on the subject by some knowledgeable people, my good friend and a very KinkyLittleGirl.  A multiblog post from the Submissive Guide, but it aims particularly at how a submissive can discern between Wants and Needs, and not from a Dominant’s point of view.  A longer post from A Submissives journey.  He does tend to tell you exactly what those needs are for all submissive women, and you should know that this site has the following policy, “This website is dedicated to the belief and practice of “Absolute Submission” and “Unconditional Surrender” within the “Ancient” and “Biblical” documented and practiced “Natural Order” of women consensually submitting to men.”  Not a philosophy with which I totally agree, but it is an interesting read.

Why do we do what we do?

I got a post from one of my favorite bloggers today, Charlie Glickman.  It explores the reasons people have some of the more extreme physical interactions within their relationships that they do, certainly that we do in BDSM relationships.  He mentions many of the most common reasons, but there are some important ones that I wished to emphasize.

Certainly there are differences in personal taste and physiology.  Different people react to stimulation in different ways.  Things feel different to different people.  Particularly significant is that physical stimulation will feel different to the same people at different times and when they are in different states.  As Charlie says, sensation can feel vastly different when you are highly arroused than when you are just returning from the office.  Also many women go through vast changes in their reactions at different periods of their cycle.

Fear is another major factor.  People can get far more enjoyment from a fearful situation within a context of a negotiated and trusting relationship than an unwanted sexual encounter with a stranger.  As Charlie says, there can be a large “difference between riding on a roller coaster and being in car going downhill without brakes.”

Within a trusted BDSM relationship it also can be emotionally releasing to work through previously traumatic events in a context of loving care, support and competent guidance.  (Though I must add the caveat that while therapeutic moments can happen within a BDSM relationship, it is a risky endeavor and should be done only with kink friendly professional assistance.)

I definitely agree with Charlie that it can add to ones enjoyment when one feels they are “breaking the rules.”  I might say that “breaking rules” is a large attractor in the BDSM lifestyle.  We often pride ourselves in the thought that we structure our relationship outside of the norm.  It is also true, that attempting extreme behaviors just because it breaks the rules may be a way of discovering new enjoyments, but also may trigger a partner in ways you do not expect.

Charlie posted, “some people seek extreme experiences because they need a lot of sensation to overcome a tendency to check out or dissociate.”  While editorially that paragraph may have parts missing, I did want to comment.  In my time in the BDSM lifestyle, I have met people who receive pain in unique but personally helpful ways.  Two examples are using pain to stop the internal dialog.  We all tend to talk to ourselves in a dialog that confirms our view of the world and ourselves, sometimes quite negatively.  SadoMasochistic interactions can assist in slowing or quieting that dialog down, giving rest to the mind and allowing it to accept different viewpoints.

The other example is the use of pain to quiet pain.  I have met and interacted with two people who suffer strongly from fibromyalgia.  In our interactions we spoke at length about how the careful and negotiated pain from a Sadist would move their sensations away from and relieve their fibromyalgic pain for sometimes days at a time.  That was the reason they came to the BDSM world.

Lastly, I want to confirm Charlie’s final comments.  On the need for aftercare, it is often thought, particularly by people unfamiliar with SadoMasochistic play, that aftercare is primarily for the benefit of the person receiving the extreme sensation and that they are the ones most likely to fall into an emotional downturn or depression after extreme sensation.  That is often not the case.  Personally it is important to me, as the sadist, to received confirmation from my play partner that what I have done to them was understood as also for them, that they enjoyed it, that they wanted it.  Otherwise I am just a violent old man, hurting those I care about.  That is my aftercare.

Lastly, on “people who think that not wanting to do all that ‘wild, crazy stuff’ makes them or their partners boring in bed”.  Particularly in a BDSM relationship, it is vastly important to understand that the only people who should be concerned with the kind of behavior in which you engage in your relationship, are the people in that relationship.  Certainly it is important to check in with your partner as to whether or not they are satisfied or want to experiment, but if you are happy, and they are happy, why change what isn’t broken?  The only judgement you should accept are you and your partners’s.

Sex and sensation is an overwhelmingly powerful element in our lives.  An element that should be far more openly discussed within our relationships and within our society than it commonly is.  I am continually  pleased by blogs such as Charlie’s, and recommend his to all.

The Eroticist

What is Important

My life does not point towards the business end of things.  Even in creative endeavors, that part of it has always been difficult for me.  But I have often found great personal wisdom from Seth Godin.  Case in point, today’s was about the difference between speaking, and speaking up.

I have chosen, in this blog, to express my feelings, views and opinions about what is euphemistically called “The Lifestyle”, how it is expressed and how it is lived by myself and those that I am able to observe around me.  Hopefully I have not just been speaking.  The blog this morning has prompted me to look at what I feel is important within all of that.

I live in a contradiction.  I enjoy the application of severe and painful sensation to other people while not desiring it for myself.  I get sexually excited by forcing that sensation on women, expect them to get sexually excited from receiving it, and expect them to accept that with little complaint.   I desire bonded relationships with multiple women and do not feel it necessary to give them the same right.  I believe it appropriate to cause emotional stress, apprehension, fear, insecurity and difficult challenges to my partners while expecting them to support, please and serve me.

This paints a picture of a severely inappropriate person (to put it very kindly) who should definitely be avoided.  Yet this is what I feel is important.

It is important to be clear, direct, honest and forthright with any partner or prospect as to what I want and what kind of activity I enjoy.

It is important for me to talk with, discuss, and explore the feelings of any partner or prospect and be totally assured that they want the kind of relationship I desire.  This includes questioning them and myself to be assured that this desire comes from a place of health and self assurance and not from a need to act out a deeper trauma.

It is important to continually examine and re-examine my own feelings and desires and communicate to my partner any changes.  It is important to continually question, discuss, and explore my partner’s feelings about what it is they want in our relationship.

It is important that no matter what extreme of disparity in roles, behavior or expectations we have developed and discussed in our relationships that all people within those relationships are held to be of equal value and respect.

It is important to work towards personal growth in myself and assist in the growth of my partners moving towards a goal of physical, mental and spiritual health in each of us and in our relationship.

And it is overwhelmingly important for me and my partners to work towards a life of passionate joy and to do whatever we can to pass that feeling on to those around us.

Be who you are.  Be honest about it.  Help the others in your life to be who they are.

The Eroticist

Behind Closed Doors – 2012 (2)

Sunday began with some nerves as it was my time for a presentation “Sexualizing Your Scene”.  I mean what do you do with that.  Isn’t sex the point?  In many cases, no.  Some people enjoy extensive forms of Sadomasochistic play, humiliation play, service or entire relationships which do not involve sexual engagement on any level.

However, that is not me.

I believe one of the most powerful human dynamics is the interaction between two or more sexually attracted human beings and that subsequent dance of attraction.  I have spoken previously about the possibilities of orgasm control, valentine gifts, Love in a BDSM Relationship, secrets shared, a loving poker chip, the care of the throat, and a kiss.  But I have never before had to discuss how to put sex into a scene.  It was daunting, but strangely came out quite easily as a casual conversation.  While I do not intend to give my hour and a half discussion here, let me simply say, observe, listen, move slowly, reflect, respect and have faith.  It will happen to a far greater extent than you thought possible.  Be sensitive to what is happening in your partner, do not fear to take control, understand they want what you can do for them.

The second presentation I attended on Sunday was “Living Real and Authentic Lives:  The Key to Our Happiness” by Master Taino.  His presentation paralleled the following one I attended, from Ms. Diana, who I call my Mater Familia as she was the first person I spoke with when I chose to enter into the BDSM Community so many years ago.  She has been a caring friend and mentor since that day.

The best way to describe their thoughts is with the word acceptance, particularly acceptance of yourself, but of the broader community as well.  We all have been raised within an atmosphere created and controlled by people of a previous generation.  Some luck few were raised to accept the diversity of humans as a whole and accept the uniqueness of ourselves.  These few were allowed to choose a path in life that fit who we were as new and unique human beings.

But I think it only takes a casual observation of the society in which we live to see that many, if not most people who surround us have very strong feelings about how one ought to live that does not allow for others to form their lives the way that is most comfortable to who they are.  I would even venture to say that many people feel they are not allowed to live their own lives the way that is most comfortable to who they are.

Master Taino as well as Ms. Diana spoke strongly on accepting who you are, and living a life true to yourself.  Master Taino echoed those thoughts and went on in his closing address to say that our community, indeed all communities will have a far better chance of survival if they accept the wide range of choices available to the human animal, and realize that just as we have a right and responsibility to live true to ourselves, so do others, male, female, gay, straight, sis- or trans-gendered, and these other’s life choices rarely, if ever, truly threaten our own.  Knowing and accepting the diversity of possibilities only broaden’s our world view.  It does not force those choices onto us.

It was a good weekend.  The only shame was that for each presentation I saw there were two that I missed.

OH, I forgot to mention TOYS.  I was able to broaden my electrical range by getting a deal on an Electro Pleasure Probe (yes it is insertable) and a very interesting Hitachi like vibrator with two circular metal bands around the head that can be electrified.  Interesting.  Any volunteers?

As an aside, I would like to encourage comments from my readers.  Though I do know you are out there, I also enjoy a dialog and dislike the feeling that I am talking into a void.

The Eroticist

With a Word

I have started this blog many times and am still not sure how to go about it.  I want to talk about that magical moment when a woman comes for you.  Yes, women can obviously cum for themselves, and many do.  Some cum for themselves even when they are with their partners and if that is the case for you, I would strongly advise you to think about what has brought you to that point.

I can only talk about my own experience and that is unique.  I fear that many will view this as a come on (sorry for the pun) or some sort of self aggrandizement, but it is incredibly important to me to have my partner cum often and intensely.

Because of this, I suppose, I have selected partners who can cum easily, rapidly, and repeatedly.  I suppose as well that this skews my view, but I do not think much.  So here is my belief and it is radical.  I believe that any woman can cum at a word, if she allows someone the authority to demand it.  I have had 8 different partners, most in my later years, who have given me that authority and it is an overwhelming honor to me.  But I sincerely do not believe that it is any unusual quality about me other than the knowledge that it is possible and the authority to demand it.  It is her ability and her gift to me.  It is my responsibility to treat it with respect and be worthy of it.

I believe that the path to a woman’s climax is not through the usually thought of erogenous zones, but through her mind and then through her body.  Not through those usual points of pleasure most men know, but through her entire body.  If you have her mind, caressing her finger can make her cum.  What I do NOT understand is why most men do not see this.  I suspect that it has to do with a man’s inability to to say, “It is your choice, you can give this to me or you can not.  But if you are to be with me, I will have it.” and then his willingness to leave.

It is a powerful gift.  It is worthy of respect.  To be able to look at your woman, hold her eye and without a touch, tell her, “Cum, Now” then watch and feel that cascade of sensation as she falls into your arms is an absolute affirmation of who you are as a man and a lover.  Let her know it.  Feed her as she has fed you.  She deserves it.  If your woman does not believe she has this ability, then teach her, and teach her with confidence.  She will thank you for it.

It begins with a pause.  That is the most important aspect.  What you are asking her to do is take conscious control of her climax.  She needs to learn how to wait.  Do not ask her to wait long, for some will quickly fall off their state of passion.  Be delicate, and reward her often.

Sit beside her, use fingers and toys to stimulate her, and ask her to wait before she cums, to wait until you say it is OK.  Find a meaningful word to use and allow it quickly.  Listen to her.  Watch her.  Some women can fall off their passion quickly and you should not allow that to happen.  Reward her often.  This should be fun after all.  Ask her to tell you when she wants it, and ask her to wait.  Then reward her.  Later, ask her to tell her when she needs it, then ask her to wait.  Then allow it.  All this time you are teaching her to pay attention to you, to listen to you, meanwhile teaching yourself to watch and listen to her.  I can not tell you what a benefit this is to your relationship as a whole.  The advantages of this kind of connection between you can not be overstated.

Eventually you will begin to recognize the signs in each other.  She will see “that look” in you and begin to feel her response.  Encourage that.  Do not touch her, but hold her gaze.  This is a moment, no matter where you are, when it is just you and her.  Whisper to her, speak gentle words in her ear on how lovely it is to see and hear her passion.  Listen to her breathing.  In the beginning, do this when you are in bed and can stimulate her directly.  Notice her passion and when you feel it is there, say the words you have found.  Do this often, each time she cums, say your words.

Eventually, as she gains control of her passion and her body, as she feels her trust of you grow and her willingness to give you authority, you can touch her less and still watch the passion grow, until, truly, with a look, a pause, and a word, your woman will give you this ultimate gift.

I can not close without giving you this admonition.  Don’t forget about fucking her senseless.  Some very lucky women can do this with no training at all.  If you have found one, you are a very lucky man.  But if your partner needs the time and connection to make it possible, take the moments, but do not make that all the loving you do.  There is a lot more out there and believe me, it is all good.

For those who know, WOHIWYAtB

The Eroticist

BonB, That Night, The Morning, and a Parting Gift

What happened that night, which included minimal amounts of sleep, was extremely significant and extraordinarily subtle.  So much so that it will be difficult to describe.  But the importance to communication, understanding, and Dominant and submissive relationships in general can not be overstated.

You must understand that the vast amount of our time was spent in conversation.  Talking with this woman was a true delight.  It would be difficult and unnecessary for the purpose of this post to encompass the range of subjects discussed, but suffice it to say that it touched on each of our histories, philosophy, relationships, desires, identification, foods, behaviors, to name just a few.  As I have said before. communication is a necessity.

One of the most important subjects discussed was her experience and desires regarding sex.  I had mentioned before, her limit that there would be no penile penetration below the waist.  That was clear and I understood and certainly would honor that.  (BTW, if anyone has any questions as to why and whether or not they should honor such a request, I refer you to the local constabulary and recommend therapy.)  But we were now on a pile of pillows, sans clothing, and freely touching a vast variety of bodily surfaces.  I am sure you realize that at times, for any accomplished Dominant, moving a woman in the direction of acquiescence before distinct negotiation and a positive “Yes” is something we can and have certainly attempted.  (We are manipulators, after all.)

Let me clearly state that this movement is shortsighted in the extreme.  It inevitably will result in a feeling of being used without permission and the realization that limits were disrespected or ignored.  In other words, considering a woman with whom you wish to have a repeat engagement (and if you have someone in bed who you do not wish to have there again, I would question your taste), it is far better to forgo the immediate for the repeatable over the long term.

BonB had stated that vaginal and anal sex had a significant emotional weight for her and that they deserved a high degree of respect and choice.  In that light, let me speak about choice.  I am sure most people reading this are familiar with the admonition, “No means NO”, meaning if a woman, or anyone for that matter, says no to any form of proposal, it means definitely no and that should be respected.  It does not immediately mean, “No, but I am willing to stand here listening to your lame reasons why I should have said yes, cause really like every woman, I really do want you, but I have just enough self respect to make you work for it.”  No, Gentlemen, no does mean no, and that should be honored.

But is it enough?  I respectfully say, no, it ain’t.  Particularly in the activities in which we engage, where dangerous behavior is often included and where mental states frequently change.  I do believe that every man has experienced moments with women who do not understand the importance of communication where “No” meant “No, but I really want you to try anyway, so I can get what I want and not have the responsibility.  In other words, force me.”  So, my active preference is that I want to hear, “Yes, means Yes” and that means in a wide awake moment of clarity, particular activities are stated and a clear request for those activities are unmistakably voiced, particularly if it is of the form, “Yes, I want you to force me.”

OK, why did I go on with that.  Well, it has to do a lot with the happenings of that evening.  We talked for a long time about her wish to refrain from penetrative sex below the waist, at least with things other than toys and my fingers.  But here we were, both naked together and going up and down on that smooth roller coaster of sexual stimulation.  We also talked about my feelings on “No” and “Yes” and my concern over issues where she may feel that I am stimulating her to the point of forcing a “Yes.”  Then in the conversation, the term “Test” came up.  Now that was interesting.  What did she mean by “Test”?

So again, communication being paramount, I asked her a lot about that term and what she meant by it.  She said that since I had previously stated that I wanted any sexual activity to be her choice, she wanted to make sure, and find out what kind of a man I was by possibly testing me to see if I would hold to that statement, no matter how excited I might become.  Now I am sure most men reading this have been in that situation, and know well what it is like to fail the test.

Let me tell you now, as they say in War Games, in that game “The only winning move is not to play.”  So I informed the sweet and highly sexual young lady that I would not play the game, and the choice was no longer hers.  There would be no more sexual activity between us.  I told her that I was not chastising her, I was not punishing her, I just didn’t want to play that game and have her, the next morning, even have the option of saying I had stimulated her to the point of saying “Yes” when she really did not wish to.  So, I would not stimulate her, nor would I allow her to stimulate me.  Game over.

Her next statement was extremely telling and in hindsight showed me if I saw it at the time, what our relationship was to become.  She said, after a very long pause, “Wow, I’m really fucked, or not fucked, as the case may be.”  Yep, that she was.  But in that moment, she told me clearly what she wanted, desired and needed.  She wanted to be forced.  I just had to find a way to show her the necessity of saying “Yes.”  And it was she who gave me the path.  The moment was sublime.

She had stated a need to hit the bathroom and I had turned on my side hoping to get some sleep as it was now very early in the morning and we had little time before I had to rise, pack and be off.  When she returned, I expected her to lie close to me and cuddle, a warm expression of affection that definitely brings a smile to my face but also acknowledges that the night was over.  I was surprised that she sat next to me and actually straddled me with her arms, one on each side, sitting up and staring down into my face.

OK, then.  Now what?  I was happy and pleased with our time together and was certainly willing to make a night (or morning) of it.  But for her, there was still something to accomplish.  I just didn’t know, yet, what it was.  I am reminded of the phrase from Arthur Conan Doyle, “The Game is afoot.”  Though literally that means that the hunted target is moving and the hunt is on.  To me it always meant, “It is time to play” and that it was.

Now our discussion above was about sex and even though control and sadomasochistic pain play is very sexual to me, it did not necessarily involve the common definitions of sexual activity.  While there is stimulation, it is not necessarily directly aimed at the generative organs.  I knew that I had never said that I did not enjoy the game, nor would refrain from touching her at all, nor, and most particularly, did not state I wished to release control.  She wanted to test me?  OK, let us see how she took to the positions being reversed.

I began this blog saying this was a very subtle dance, and I mean that very strongly.  In describing what took place, it may sound very much as it was preconceived and planned with a particular goal in mind.  It was not.  There were things I wanted to say and communicate to her, but they were primarily that I greatly enjoyed her company, loved being close to her, still desired her, respected her limits, and did not feel rejected in any way.  Beyond that, it was entirely moment to moment and I had no expectations of going further or forcing the crossing of any stated limit, mine or hers.

The way I chose to show her was to caress her cheek and move my hand slowly into her hair, taking a tight hold, and just hold her gaze.  There was much there, and I brought her head down to my lips for an strong but loving kiss.  She stayed in her hovering like position as I released her hair and took hold of her nipples.  I quite firmly used them to bring her down for another kiss, then sit her up again, then down two more times.  Watching her response, all I wanted to do was to return the tease and turn the tables.  I took her again, quite firmly by the hair and forced her head down to my neck and chest.  My plan was to move her head over my chest and hint  at forcing her down lower, to show her that I could play at the limits, but not cross them.  Here you must remember the position of her hands, both placed on the floor one on each side of my body, at the height of my waist.  This is important, for as I moved her head around my chest and pushed it down to cross my belly, she did the most significant thing of the evening.  It was subtle, just the hint of a movement.  But she moved her left hand so as to give me room to push her head further down.

WHAM!  Suddenly everything was clear to me and I all I had to do was call her on it.  I stopped immediately and asked, “What was that?”

“What?” and I tell you honestly from discussions following, she had no idea what had just happened.

That, moving your hand!  What is the damn game here?  You want it.  You want me to force you.  I force you, you claim NO responsibility and I have failed your little test.  Well FUCK THAT!  If you want it, then you tell me you want it and tell me clearly.”  And I waited.

After many breaths and a long, very significant pause, holding my eyes constantly, she said with a long sigh, “Yes, I want you to force me.”

Clarity, so much better, communication, honest acceptance and mutual responsibility.  It does not matter the actions we do.  Rape play, violent verbal and physical confrontations, behavior that leaves anything from bruises to burns to scars and permanent markings, the actions do not matter, it is the consent, the communication, the  taking of mutual responsibility, understanding and respect that confirms and sustains a relationship.  The things we do can come from incredibly dark places, but if they are done with the understanding of the humanity and value of our partners and with an acceptance of our own and our partners desires, no matter how dark, they are affirming and nourishing to our humanity, caring love and bonded relationships.

Before I go on to a most joyous and magical moment at our last contact, I want to state that there was further conversation and the limits of no penile penetrative actions below the waist have continued to be respected limits to this day.  But to explain the magic of this woman I have to tell you of our last moment.

After far too little sleep, I packed, we left notes for OWS, and headed out on the drive to Midway Airport.  We arrived a bit early and sat in the car for a half hour or so.  The conversation was light and humorous, but had its moments of eroticism, and as she was dropping me off, she commented on the excited state she was in.  Well, that made me smile, but at the curbside of the airport, there was not much I could do.  So, out, got luggage, kissed, and stepped up to the check in.

I was there for a bit when suddenly someone grabbed my arm.  Totally unexpected, it was a woman, then I realized it was BonB, then I realized, as she was running back to the car, that my arm was now totally wet.  Then I realized why it was wet.  She had painted my arm…with her.  What an incredibly magical parting gift.  Clearly and unequivocally stating how excited she was by being with me.  Now that is a high complement, and it still brings a huge smile to my face and a warm feeling in my heart.

I should probably end by saying she is arriving in Santa Barbara next week for a 10 day stay with a fully negotiated agenda of extreme sadomasochistic play, possibly a strong day of being sexually “Forced”, service, submission, and joy as my precious little girl, kneeling on the floor beside me and addressing me as, “My Lord.”  Beyond the invitation to visit, these were all her requests, things she actively desired and to which she said an enthusiastic YES.

It is truly amazing what you can hear from people if you watch carefully, listen intently, and respect their choices.

But I will actually end by saying she is to move to Poland in September of this year on a deeply significant and spiritual journey, and while we may have wishes, we have no expectation of ever seeing each other again.  Magic presents itself to us just so.  It is for us to see it, and accept it when it comes.  And most importantly, let it go when it must leave.

The Eroticist

BonB for Dinner

So Exxxotica is finished, I am having a delightful time re-exploring my old home town.  (Raised from year 1 in the same house on the North Shore outside of Chicago all the way through my college years.)  I had a needed opportunity to see my admired and loved cousin and his good wife and I met up with three high school friends with whom I was VERY close through the High School years.  One in particular who I had wished fervently to jump the bones thereof.  Rested, enjoyed, and had a truly delightful time.

One particularly enjoyable afternoon was spent with the girl I call BonB, the reasons for that being in an earlier post.  She had written me saying she knew I was in Chicago for an additional week and she was open to getting together as she knew I enjoyed “Cuddle time” particularly after a scene.  Good, nice to get that sort of thing, and we got together for a bit of SM play and a vast amount of extremely good, wide ranging conversation.  We talked about each others interests, limitations, particular desires and approaches towards the world.  Limits here are particularly important, and if you do not remember, it would be best, for the purposes of the next two posts, to review her approaches to submission, being a little girl, and honorifics such as “Sir”, “Master” and “Daddy” and understand that she had a very busy schedule and her time was totally limited.  So it would be possible perhaps to see each other once, in the afternoon, but probably that would be all.  (Her laughter at this moment is beginning, along with a certain level of enjoyable discomfort.)

But to explain a bit about the dynamics between myself and this delightful woman, I should tell you about the third time we got together in Chicago.  (Yes, I did read the previous paragraph and realize the dichotomy between her stated lack of time she could spend with me and the following week.)  OWS and I spent an incredibly enjoyable afternoon in the Millennium Park area (which has changed radically in the last 40 years).  We walked through the towers of water, watched many young ladies getting extremely wet.  (A quality I greatly admire in a woman.)  And sat and napped with our feet in the water as a most beautiful moth rested on my knee.

The evening was spent at Pegasis Restaurant and Taverna on their their rooftop looking through the Chicago skyline where we had extensive appetizers and Greek beer and wine.  A bit later we were joined by BonB who I greeted by slipping my hands up the back of her head and tightly holding her hair while retaining her intense bright blue eyes before a kiss.  It was a good moment and set the tone of the evening.  We then retired to the table where I fed her whatever food she wished.  By the way, I mean that literally.  She never used a utensil.  That was pertinent at our next dinner, the fourth time we got together, and yes, I did read that paragraph above.

Conversation was casual and delightful, despite what my hands were doing under the table.  The food and service was excellent including a quite casual and humorous relationship with our waiter.  When the rain began, we sat and watched, enjoying it emensly, until BonB stood up, leant backwards over the railing and opened her mouth.  I can safely say it was to the delight of many of the observers thereof.

So where does this go, this seemingly momentary relationship with this delightful and most masochistic of women?  She is a strong willed woman, truly an enjoyer of life, with a strong sense of independence and little patience for submission, obvious verbal statements of respect, and a laughing acknowledgement that some people seem to like the Daddy/lg dynamic but “reeeeallllyyy?“, all dynamics that I respect and desire.  Sigh, ah well.  But I had to acknowledge that she was incredibly masochistic, which I enjoy, and an overwhelmingly competent communicator, which I respect as an absolute necessity.

Well, I did have to go home to Santa Barbara, and there was a difficult issue there.  Neither my cousin nor my good friend OWS could get me to Midway due to work and other commitments, and public transportation did require several different forms of transport and transfers and the expectation that it would take a very long time.  I hesitantly asked if BonB would consider taking me, and she immediately offered.  One very nice woman, that.  I am not sure how it came around, but there was also an invitation for Dinner with me and OWS that Sunday night before my Monday flight which was also quickly accepted, that being the fifth time we were to get together, paragraph above considered.

OWS outdid himself.  The dinner was exquisite, beautifully prepared and served.  The first of many amusing moments was when we sat down to eat and BonB took an inordinately long time to begin.  It was only after a long wait that it came out that she did not know if she was to eat or be fed, and was waiting for me to make the first move.  That went right by me I am ashamed to say, but was easily resolved.  Another quite pleasant moment involved whipped cream, berries, and delightfully naked breasts.  Fun for all.

Somewhere that evening I mentioned to BonB that, in fact, we would have to leave quite early to get me to the airport the next morning, and though I did not really know where we might sleep, it seemed appropriate for her to spend the night, if she was comfortable with that.  She replied that she had come with the full and complete expectation of sharing my bed and was prepared and to stay the night when she left home.

Yes, I know, the paragraph.  But a very good girl.

That night, the morning, and a parting gift will make up my next post.

The Eroticist